Year: 2016

365 Project: Life Clubs, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I Have a Coin with a Dictator on it Rather than a Birth Certificate” Club

“Where are you from?” Such a basic question, and yet I stutter and exhale a deep sigh of annoyance. I clarify, “You mean where I do live now or where was I born?” To which most will reply, “I mean, what’s your nationality?” The easy answer would be, “I live in New York, but I was born in Russia.” That’s how my father would answer … Continue reading “I Have a Coin with a Dictator on it Rather than a Birth Certificate” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“Growing Up, I Never Had Play Dates” Club

The only play dates I’ve ever been on are the ones with my own children. In 2016 America (and the Internet), parental and educator rhetoric professes the vast academic and developmental benefits of play dates for our children. They all agree good social skills are essential to helping your child lead a happier, healthier life – but these skills need lots of practice and coaching. … Continue reading “Growing Up, I Never Had Play Dates” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I Have a Weird Name” Club

Nowadays unusual names are all the rage, but in 1986 Staten Island, when your parents make you transfer mid-year to your new junior high school, having missed out on vital teenage lessons (namely how to put on eyeliner and lipstick), it was way cooler to be Lisa or Maria or Jill. As lovely girls named Michelle and Vicky, took me around from class to class, … Continue reading “I Have a Weird Name” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“Apparently I Almost Died as an Infant” Club

I don’t remember almost dying as an infant, but apparently, I did. My mother recounts the story of my Soviet birth ripe with exaggerated old-world details. She describes laboring in a room with nine other women, all of whom took turns pushing their babies out, while an orderly with a thick mustache mopped the floor with dirty water. She witnessed one woman give birth to … Continue reading “Apparently I Almost Died as an Infant” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, New York, russian

“I Lived in the Projects and Didn’t Know it” Club

“Oh I didn’t realize you grew up in the projects!” my husband says the first time I bring him to visit my grandmother, who has lived in this same housing complex for her 40 years in this country. Apparently “Cooperative Housing” is fancy for projects, but I have always thought it was a perfectly normal place to have my rudimentary years in this country. The … Continue reading “I Lived in the Projects and Didn’t Know it” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“My Sister Got a Hole in Her Head on My Watch” Club

I was a mature 10-year-old and my younger sister, Reena was only three when we were  enjoying all the glories of new immigrant life in the Housing Projects of Queens. Aside from the male jogger who hung upside down, dangling his junk in front of us, everything from this period blends together like a hazy blur. There are few memories that stand out, but the … Continue reading “My Sister Got a Hole in Her Head on My Watch” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“My Sister was a Gift to Me” Club

My sister was always presented as a gift that was created just for me – and not because I needed a bone marrow transplant or anything. I was just a typical six-year-old, newly immigrated to Queens from Russia, and I was lonely. I was also supposedly incredibly cerebral and persuasive (go figure), because while other girls convinced their parents to buy them a Barbie Dream … Continue reading “My Sister was a Gift to Me” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I Called Russia in 1985” Club

I was 11 years old and I was the one in my family responsible for calling Russia. In 1985 we had just moved to Staten Island; we were in our ivory-wallpapered living room, on the taupe leather couches. The house was immaculate with its modern window treatments and cream-colored carpet. It hadn’t yet been soiled by the mastiff’s muddy footprints or by the stench of … Continue reading “I Called Russia in 1985” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“Lost in Translation” Club

One of my favorite parts from the 1985 classic, Rocky IV, is when Drago, in the finest Russian accent a quintessential Swede can muster, says, “If he dies, he dies.” Essential to this scene is the lip raise; like an invisible fish hook caught on his upper lip and pulled it up toward the corner. My sister and I have spent thirty years imitating this … Continue reading “Lost in Translation” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Mental Health

“I Get Panic Attacks” Club

Aka “I Started a Writing Project to Quell My Anxiety and Now I’m More Stressed than Ever” Club There’s an entire to-do list brainstorm session before I even open my eyes — and suddenly I think, “Do I feel nauseous?” I’m feeling something rising up through my core – and it’s making me feel uncomfortable, but am I actually nauseous? Were you meaning to kick … Continue reading “I Get Panic Attacks” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs

“I Don’t Believe in the Lottery” Club

While the rest of our country is standing in line for Powerball tickets, I just laugh and pat my pocket, one dollar richer than you. I’ve just never believed in the lottery. My husband, who would prefer to spend his dollar on a sticker, doesn’t care enough to disagree with me, but tries to get me to elaborate on my conspiracy theories – but I … Continue reading “I Don’t Believe in the Lottery” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, LIFE CLUBS: Mental Health

“I Just Learned How to Breathe” Club

I just learned how to breathe. Isn’t that ridiculous? Fellow members should be newborns only, but alas there are many of us who apparently don’t know this primal how-to. Learning to breathe has been on my long list of things to do, right between “order cat food” and “finish that pregnancy novel” (my daughter is 5 years old). I’ve been told it will “CHANGE MY … Continue reading “I Just Learned How to Breathe” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Motherhood, motherhood

“I Stopped Cleaning Toilets” Club

AKA Pubescent Problems on the Potty I spent 15 years in the corporate world in various forms of advertising playing with fancy office stuff. But none of that matters; that’s as ancient history as the 6th grade dance as far as my kids are concerned. I’ve been working from home since my daughter was born five years ago. Last year in preschool, she was asked … Continue reading “I Stopped Cleaning Toilets” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“My Father had a UFO Sighting” Club

My father has always attested that he doesn’t believe in God, but believes in aliens. He believes it was the aliens who were responsible for the creation of the earth, rather than the commonly-held principles of God in 7 Days, or you know, the Big Bang theory. He also believes that the entire human species, in itself, is an alien experiment gone wrong. Humans are … Continue reading “My Father had a UFO Sighting” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, pop culture

“Instagram is My Midlife Crisis” Club

I’m a 41-year-old writer and I just joined Instagram. This confession feels akin to a modern midlife crisis, only instead of a new red Porsche, I’m posting selfies and photos of my cats. Stop me while I’m ahead. I admit I’m a bit of a late bloomer, there were only 300 MILLION others who did it before me. I am, by no way morally opposed … Continue reading “Instagram is My Midlife Crisis” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, pop culture

“I Don’t Try to Make You Jealous with My Photos” Club

On a gorgeous summer day, I was enjoying the great fortune of our heated rooftop pool, overlooking the Manhattan skyline, just beyond the George Washington Bridge. By the end of summer, I have become a bit desensitized to this glorious view, but my guest-de-jour always gushes and breaks out the camera. (Of course, by “camera,” I mean phone.) This day was no exception. As I … Continue reading “I Don’t Try to Make You Jealous with My Photos” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I Got Bit by a Dog” Club

There’s a photo of me at 10-months-old, bundled-up, Russian style, propped up in my Seventies plaid pram. I’m being guarded by a large German Shepherd named Alfeek. He was the first dog in my life and I don’t remember him but suspect he scarred me in some traumatic way, because until the age of 12, I had a terrible fear of dogs. My 12th birthday … Continue reading “I Got Bit by a Dog” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, life, love, motherhood

“I Chose Me” Club

Choosing Me feels selfish. It causes intense guilt that never really goes away. Mothers are supposed to be martyrs, not egotistical. But Choosing Me has always moved my life forward. While it wasn’t always the easiest choice, ultimately Choosing Me equaled choosing happiness. When I was 15 and I used sun-in in my hair because my mother didn’t let me color it, I chose me. … Continue reading “I Chose Me” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, LIFE CLUBS: Relationships, love

“I Have an Ex-Husband” Club

The winter before my marriage ultimately crumbled, my husband and I went to a movie, for the first time in two years since our son was born. It was a gorgeous night and we saw Garden State at Lincoln Center and walked home. I enjoyed the movie and thoroughly loved the soundtrack; so much so that I was singing it out-loud, almost skipping in my … Continue reading “I Have an Ex-Husband” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, life, LIFE CLUBS: Writing

“I Have Career ADD” Club

Steve Harvey recently said that everyone is given a gift and to really succeed in life, you have to jump.” It was an inspirational 6-minute pep talk, but it left me thinking, “What is MY gift?” I really need to figure this out at 41 so I can jump already. My husband says I have many gifts, and unfortunately therein lies part of the problem. … Continue reading “I Have Career ADD” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, motherhood, russian

“I’m More Like My Mother Than I Thought” Club

Every mother has mommyisms. These phrases are typically derived from life experiences and hand-me-downs from their own mothers. Here are some Soviet-inspired nuggets I got from my mom: You can never be too rich or too thin. Only prostitutes wear anklets. If you have a gap between your legs, you’re a whore. If you’re a pretty secretary, then you’re a “secretutka” (a word formed by … Continue reading “I’m More Like My Mother Than I Thought” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I’m Afraid of the Evil Eye” Club

“Sglazeet” is what the Russians call “giving the evil eye.” I totally believe in this, but it’s technically hocus pocus witchery; like ghosts. My husband tells me that it’s up to me whether I give anyone the power to jinx or cast this evil spell. Apparently, I do. If I could, I would spray a magic shield of protection around myself before I ever left … Continue reading “I’m Afraid of the Evil Eye” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, motherhood

“The Shower is my Temple” Club

I truly started to value the shower 13 years ago when my son was born. As a new mom, my hierarchy of responsibilities and time management had endured an earthquake and luxuries such as bathing ended up very low on the priorities list. Of course, this was completely counter-intuitive, because what I needed more than anything was 15 minutes of solitude for more than just … Continue reading “The Shower is my Temple” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Death

“My Friend Has Cancer” Club

No one chooses to enter this annihilating club, but somehow we’re all shoved in unwillingly into this abysmal group which is bursting at the seams. Cancer doesn’t discriminate; it’s just as likely to strike Steve Jobs as ordinary Steve at your job. I’ve had my chance to rage against the disease. Both my grandparents had cancer. My aunt is currently battling ovarian cancer. I have … Continue reading “My Friend Has Cancer” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Female Funny

“I’m a Medium-Degree Hairy Woman” Club

For better or for worse, I’ve embraced my Eastern European gift of hairiness. In fact, my relationship and consequent confrontation with hair on varying terrains across my body has definitely earned me gold membership into this special club. It’s a love hate relationship really. I love that my healthy hair grows fast and thick, but obviously the problem is said hair does not remain on … Continue reading “I’m a Medium-Degree Hairy Woman” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories

“I Watched the Challenger Blow Up” Club

In the 80s, our “Where were you when” moment was the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. The explosion occurred 73 seconds after liftoff, and I watched it happen on live TV along with so many other Americans. It really sucks when a source of national pride becomes a national tragedy. The accident was the result of rapid deceleration and not combustion of fuel. … Continue reading “I Watched the Challenger Blow Up” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Motherhood, motherhood

“When Suicide Hits Too Close to Home” Club

The other day, my 8th grader got into the car after school, chipper as always. We started the usual pleasantries: how was school, what did you eat for lunch, any tests coming up? We carry on for about 5 minutes until he says, “Someone at school tried to kill himself today.” I didn’t say anything at first because my immediate instinct was he was kidding. … Continue reading “When Suicide Hits Too Close to Home” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I Came of Age at a Donut Shop” Club

Over a cup of coffee and a donut, a person will spill their secrets. Do not underestimate the magical unravelling power of a cruller and a cup of Joe; it is the elixir of truth. In our society, donut shops connote happy imagery: syrupy goodness oozing between puffs of powdered sugar. Not for me, though. One whiff of honey glaze singes the insides of my nostrils … Continue reading “I Came of Age at a Donut Shop” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, russian

“I Curse – Proudly” Club

In Russian are two words for ass, but they are modifications of one another. One is pronounced “paw-pa” and the other is pronounced “zj-awpa.” That first one is like “tush,” the second one is like “ass.” My house was a pure “zj-awpa” house, but my cousin was purely a “paw-pa” family and whenever we got together, I always used the wrong word for ass. I loved … Continue reading “I Curse – Proudly” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, New York

“I Ignore Homeless People” Club

This morning as I sat in my car, my seat warmer keeping my ass nice and toasty, Elvis Duran is entertaining me because they’re talking about what movie represents your love life … and I think to myself is there a movie with clowns in it that aren’t scary? And it doesn’t dawn on me until they’re been off the air for two hours, that … Continue reading “I Ignore Homeless People” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, LIFE CLUBS: Motherhood, love, motherhood

“My Daughter Reminds Me Life is Awesome” Club

My daughter’s hair smells like honey, because that’s how little girls are born. Sugar and spice and all things nice is not an exaggeration or a poem, it’s based on scientific fact. But I didn’t always like girls; I had been a mom of a boy for 8 years before the XX made me puke for 9 months. Without a sonogram I knew she was … Continue reading “My Daughter Reminds Me Life is Awesome” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories

“Scars are my Souvenirs of Life” Club

The successful and stunning Ariel Winter from Modern Family received some feedback for wearing a dress to the SAG Awards, which revealed a scar from her breast-reduction surgery. She felt compelled to justify her fashion choice: “There’s a reason I didn’t cover up my scars! They are a part of me and I’m not ashamed of them at all.” Scars are life’s tattoos; autographs left … Continue reading “Scars are my Souvenirs of Life” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I Lost My Memories” Club

My family immigrated to America when I was almost five years old and I have few memories of my life in Kiev. I’ve recollected few stories of my childhood and those have been enough to sustain me. Big chunks of time are missing in my memories. My American husband thinks my young refugee status left me somewhat traumatized, but I disagree. He has suggested a … Continue reading “I Lost My Memories” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life

“Bring Back the Citizens Arrest” Club

I live right near the George Washington Bridge, so when walking my daughter to school, we encounter three seasoned crossing guards. Today I noticed a driver performing a dangerous and illegal move, jeopardizing other cars and pedestrians. This abominable situation outraged me. I would never think to make that illegal left! I shared my indignation with crossing card # 2 on my path. She smiled, and … Continue reading “Bring Back the Citizens Arrest” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, New York

“I Pick Up Hitchhikers” Club

I don’t live on the edge much. I observe expirations dates and tax deadlines. I stop at all red lights and will not text and drive. But even I have a sell-out price to tempt danger. We live in a building right off the George Washington Bridge. We love this location for its proximity to Manhattan (ten minutes to midtown) but we have begun to … Continue reading “I Pick Up Hitchhikers” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, pop culture

“I Watch the Super Bowl for the Commercials” Club

I’m convinced my complete disregard for football may be connected to my early immigration. I’ve never had an interest in football nor have I ever attended a real live football game. This was a considerable waste as my high school had an undefeated football team, but I barely noticed. Despite my Soviet birth, I do not prefer soccer to football and don’t have an inherent … Continue reading “I Watch the Super Bowl for the Commercials” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, LIFE CLUBS: Relationships

“Did I Marry Someone Like My Father” Club

They say women marry men who remind them of their fathers, but I didn’t want to. I envisioned a different partnership with my husband than the one my mother had with my father. I picked someone who behaved in the polar opposite of my dad in every way. Physically and personality-wise, these two men had nothing in common. At least not with husband number one. … Continue reading “Did I Marry Someone Like My Father” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, life

“I’m a WYSIWYG Girl” Club

Skepticism is my natural inclination, my snap-judgement dial glued to the default: doubt. You may think I’ve developed this slightly pragmatic, partially dubious character over time, but I’m quite sure I was born this way. I began speaking at nine months, and by a year, I “spoke in full sentences,” according to my mother. I must have received a shitload of applause for my precocious … Continue reading “I’m a WYSIWYG Girl” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, Hearts, New York

“Hearts Still Find Me” Club

When I first created HeartsEverywhere.com, I wanted a catchy name for a blog I could use as a writing platform. The name came obviously and easily. Deep in love, I discovered hearts everywhere, which exploded all around me alongside Twitter and Facebook. Throughout the year, I sought out reinforcing signs from the universe yearning for the reasons and explanations. I was so uncertain of myself, … Continue reading “Hearts Still Find Me” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, russian

“I Don’t Like My Birthday Parties” Club

In my 41 years, I’ve only had four birthday parties. My birthday falls in the middle of August when my classmates and friends were either notoriously at camp or on family vacations, so my mother always had an excuse for skipping a kids’ birthday party. What did I know of American birthday parties anyway? We celebrated most of my birthdays with family and my parents’ … Continue reading “I Don’t Like My Birthday Parties” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life, LIFE CLUBS: Relationships

“I Carry the Weight of Other People’s Sick Children” Club

The IV bag hangs from a plastic seahorse suspended on a steel pole. A life-saving poison slowly drips through the plastic tube into the thin, fragile vein of a 4-year-old girl. Her face is swollen, her hair is merely a cap of fuzz, but her smile is electric. Today her anesthesia comes in the form of laughter courtesy of Looney Lenny the Clown. He calls … Continue reading “I Carry the Weight of Other People’s Sick Children” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“I Took My Last Family Vacation For Granted” Club

The last vacation I took with my parents and sister was to Puerto Rico in July 1996. I just graduated from NYU, newly dating my later-to-be husband. My sister was madly in love with her then boyfriend and played Nothing Else Matters by Metallica on loop the whole time. My parents, still two years shy of their quarter-century divorce, met some fellow Russians vacationers and … Continue reading “I Took My Last Family Vacation For Granted” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, life, LIFE CLUBS: Motherhood, motherhood

“I Tell My Daughter She’s Beautiful” Club

 On Valentine’s Day, my family visited my 87-year-old grandmother. My five-year-old daughter wanted to dress up. She donned a dress with a sparkly heart top and a tutu skirt. She asked me to do her hair with the curling wand (she saw me using it earlier). Then she took my brush and put on some blush and some red (!) lipgloss. I also let her … Continue reading “I Tell My Daughter She’s Beautiful” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, LIFE CLUBS: Mental Health, russian

“I Grapple With Irrational Emotions” Club

When I worked in the family donut shop as a teenager, one of the co-workers told me she was chemically imbalanced, which was the clinical diagnosis of being too sensitive. She suggested I consider getting myself the same diagnosis and the pills which accompanied it. I’ve battled with intense emotional reactions for as long as I can remember, and blame myself for being too sensitive. … Continue reading “I Grapple With Irrational Emotions” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life

“Virgin Mobile, You Suck” Club

Virgin Mobile, you suck! I’ve been a customer of their no-contract wireless service for over four years, enjoying my Samsung Galaxy S2 until two weeks ago when I dropped it onto the concrete of Main Street and it shattered beyond repair. Time for an upgrade. Satisfied with my provider up until now, I ordered a new iPhone 6 through their Website. Excited to get my … Continue reading “Virgin Mobile, You Suck” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, life

“Bring Back Customer Service” Club

I learned customer service when I was 13 years old, working at our family’s donut shop. Marlene from the morning shift was a trustable source; a version of her existed in New York City coffee shops in the 1980s. She taught me these important rules: The customer is always right. This is technically the only rule of customer service, but I supplemented with three more … Continue reading “Bring Back Customer Service” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, LIFE CLUBS: Motherhood

“My Five Year Old Daughter Has a Boyfriend” Club

I take the term boyfriend seriously and have only handed it out to three people, two of whom I eventually married. Other men coveted the title, but I was stingy with my endowment. My daughter understood the significance of the title boyfriend. After all, until last year, my husband had been my boyfriend for ten years, five of them with her around. Before my daughter … Continue reading “My Five Year Old Daughter Has a Boyfriend” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, finding happy, life, New York

“Don’t Ask Me To Pick a Place to Meet” Club

I’m not good at picking places to meet – for coffee, for dinner, or to exchange artwork and catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in real life for 25 years. When my husband drags us along, completing his travel-based project across the country on 2-week road trips, it falls on me to find places to eat along the way. Thank the technology wizards … Continue reading “Don’t Ask Me To Pick a Place to Meet” Club

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365 Project: Life Clubs, family, life, LIFE CLUBS: Immigrant Stories, russian

“Engaging With Souvenirs from the Old World” Club

If you had to pack up your life into two suitcases, what would you bring? I ponder this occasionally when I find myself using something my parents brought with them from the Soviet Union in 1979. Today I poured water into a stemmed glass adorned with a train decal. I inherited these six glasses from my mother because I had mentioned to her I liked … Continue reading “Engaging With Souvenirs from the Old World” Club

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