Sometimes I wonder why some people were given the instinctual desire to question authority, culture, rules, society, defaults, the ‘norm’ – and other people were just given the peace to live with complacency of assumed truths. I struggle accepting things like God and regulations without scientific proof or logical explanation. Maybe it’s the journalist in me, or the skeptic or just the Russian genetics.
People with blind faith don’t feel limitations by their beliefs; they aren’t constricted by glass ceilings; they don’t necessarily feel confounded by boundaries or restrictions. Orthodox Jewish women, for instance, or women in Iran. For them, this is just life like they’ve always known it; just the way it is. If you don’t know what you’re missing, you’re not missing it.
But once you taste a morsel from the other side …
I never thought I’d be able to have a life where work meant I could write and get paid for it. In theory it seemed both selfish and a direct dichotomy to the word, ‘work.’ I thought work was just that – a job, labor. Something you do that you don’t necessarily enjoy – or is easy, but you then you get rewarded with money that will buy you something you want or need.
When I met my boyfriend, he showed me that you could, in fact, earn a living doing exactly what you enjoy and find fulfilling. So now I feel like an Orthodox Jewish woman who just discovered that not only could I wear shorts, but I could also lose the wig.
I’ve tasted from the other side … and I don’t want to go back. Now a “standard corporate job” would feel like heavy torture complete with long skirt, black tights and the world’s bulkiest polyester wig.
But a “dream job” – or any dream worth pursuing – requires a particular driving force. A unique and powerful motivation found in all dream catchers.
What happens when we feel like we don’t have enough passion or ambition or talent? How about when the biggest battle we encounter is our own self-doubt and infringement of limitations?
Why are we our worst enemies, constructing roadblocks in our own journey?
How do we persevere, believing in our dreams when it’s clearly the harder route? How do we push ourselves to continue to question and not accept default? How do we believe that we’re good enough or worthy enough? From where do we draw the strength to achieve that resolution?
The future is confusing – money (or where will it come from) is scary. Why were some people created with the constant urge for more – with a perpetual hunger – and others were created to be satiated by so little.
My mind is continually going – it never rests. It wants answers and questions and realizations. I wait for a break through and realize it is only up to me to break on through.
So I tread forward. Sometimes carefully; sometimes on a whim. I make the best decisions armed with the information at my disposal at the time. I try to tame the doubt and guilt. I try to take the reins on life and move it forward.
I try to say poignant things out loud to make myself feel better, wiser, inspired. But sometimes, the guy who writes the Daily Kabbalah Tune-ups just has a better way with words: “Successes aren’t what really matter in life; it’s what we do with our failures that makes us, and our work, great in this world. Today, keep moving. Every no brings you closer to a yes.”