“Apparently I Almost Died as an Infant” Club

GalinababydarkI often wonder what kind of untraceable lasting impacts traumatic events in infancy can have on our adult lives. Apparently, every single day is buried deep in there, just like we learned in Disney’s Inside Out, stored in little colorful spheres in our memory banks, deep in the archives of our coiled brains, just waiting for a trigger that will send the memory up the brain pipes. I don’t recall much before 30, but I’m working on it.

I don’t remember almost dying as an infant, but apparently I did. My parents retell this story with such a sense of dramatic plight, and yet in my retelling, I think it sounds like one big farce.

I won’t go into the long details of my Russian birth, but highlights from the story I heard growing up include no epidurals, no sonograms, and no monitoring. My mother said she laid in a room with other birthing women, all who took turns pushing their babies out. She saw one woman give birth to a stillborn. She said she pushed forever and never dilated enough. She recounts how the orderly was washing the floor with dirty water right as she lay spread eagle trying to push a human out. Finally a nurse – or doctor – it didn’t matter – came in to help my mother with her delivery. She demonstrates to me with a hand gesture. She puts her hands in a prayer position, then darts them rapidly towards me, and then spreads them open. That’s how they dilated her; no rubber gloves. Eventually, I was born, looking similar to a monkey, with thick black hair covering my head, shoulders and back. In other words, a healthy Russian baby.

My mother and I stayed in the hospital for two weeks, the standard stay for healthy deliveries, and my dad was not allowed to see me until I came home. Instead, in typical Russian fashion, my dad bribed a nurse to hold me up to the window overlooking the courtyard so he can see his little monkey.

But that’s not trauma; that’s Russian Birth Story: Status Quo. The drama comes 6 weeks later after they brought me home. I got sick. So sick that I was LOSING WEIGHT! Can you imagine a baby losing weight? My family pooled their collective medical connections and they got a professor, as my mother referred to him, to conduct a house call.

“Can you imagine what he saw?” My mother says he walked in demanding to be shown the sick child and when she shyly brought me over, he seemed shocked. With those huge cheeks protruding from that scarf around my head, that child couldn’t be losing any weight. But then, the professor undressed me, listened carefully, and declared I had pneumonia.

The doctors said they didn’t know what they would do for me, but that I should be admitted to the hospital immediately. Now this seems so extremely ridiculous to me in 2016 America, but in 1974 Russia, it may as well been 1924 Russia the way my parents described.  Then the story gets fuzzy, but my logical and medically-centered questions are not important to the story.

This is the part that got retold so many times, it’s tattooed on my mind as if I almost do remember it. Not only has this moment impacted my childhood, but my eternal health, but it has created a lifelong connection to my father and somehow put down one of the bricks in the wall between my mother and me.

My mother threw up for 9 months and then had an orderly rip her crotch with the double-handed prayer motion so that I can slide out. Then she failed miserably at breastfeeding because apparently she had blue milk. (That’s what she called it.) Then her 6-week old baby had pneumonia. She was terrified and  felt like a hopeless new mother.

But my father, Russian Super Dad (and honorary blood expert), came presenting his Popeye arms to save the day. He immediately insisted the doctors give me a blood transfusion. When he retells the story, he flexes his arm to its fullest capacity to demonstrate how he literally offered up his arm. He points out how good his veins are; pulsing under the white skin as if they’re screaming, “TAP THIS SHIT, THERE IS SOME SERIOUSLY GOOD RUSSIAN BLOOD.” This was my father’s Magnum Opus. He decided that he was single handily going to bring me back to life by giving me his blood.

“You should see the size of the shpritz* they used to prick me – and I think they took a gallon. Maybe more. I didn’t know where they were going to put it; you were so small. I think they gave it to other babies too.”

My mother, who had it in her head that she had inferior blood because she was Type B, rather than Type A, felt a silent stabbing of guilt that she was not a match. She always explained that her B blood made her a sicklier person, with a weaker immunity, as opposed to our A blood, that ensured we would enjoy a life full of health with the first-rate blood.

“They totally replaced all of your blood with mine,” my father proudly says, “and if, by magic elixir, you instantly got better. The doctors watched, in amazement as your cheeks turned pink and you got your appetite back.”

He asked the doctors if anything was wrong with me anymore and they explained that they didn’t understand why, but miraculously I seemed to be cured. He asked if he could take me home, and they said they wanted to do more tests and hold me there for observations and he said, “If there’s nothing wrong with her, I’m taking her home.” While the doctors were conferring with each other, he swaddled me in the Russian wool baby blanket and he marched with me out the door.

Clearly I was never sick again.

I’m still unclear why he thought the blood would save me – and I often wonder if I ever needed it at all, but somehow this eternally bonded me to my father. I always thought part of why he loved me so much was that I was physically a part of him beyond the genetic contribution. Now I had his thick, fierce, blood coursing through my veins.

They say sometimes a heart transplant patient fears their personality may be affected by a new heart. I often wonder if there is any soul in the blood – and if any of his permeated into mine.

*shprtiz – Russian (with a Yiddish accent) for a needle.


56 thoughts on ““Apparently I Almost Died as an Infant” Club

  1. Pingback: “My Sister was a Gift to Me” Club | HeartsEverywhere

  2. Thanks for sharing this story. My wife had a near-death-as-an-infant experience involving a stroke, so we can appreciate where you’re coming from. Thankfully all is well that ends well for both of you.

  3. You’ve gotta love those near death infant stories. I personally hope I never have to tell one. I enjoyed hearing about your Russian heritage. I feel like I know less about Russia than other countries for whatever reason. I could really picture your parents as I read–the mark of a good writer.

  4. I definitely pictured this entire story in an old school, black-and-white film being played! So many people have gone through these infant near death experiences that it makes you wonder how most of us are still here!

    Mine’s definitely not as epic, but I had apparently turned all colours of the rainbow while choking on a hard candy. As I was told, “I hit you so hard on the back, I was afraid I was going to break your bones!! But, you were turning purple so I couldn’t stop!”

    Scary to think we’ve been on the verge of death at least once already.

  5. Sounds like you could have been severely jaundice…
    Look up ABO incompatibility
    It may have caused lethargy and inability to feed? = losing weight

    Very cute that your Dad saved you xx

  6. rajisahota

    Great story. I almost had a near death experience as an infant. Though, I don’t remember it, my mother told me that I had pneumonia as a child and one of my doctors told them that it was not serious. I was later rushed to Sick Kids that evening.

  7. One time when I was a baby I had a really high fever. My mom brought me to the doctor and she said that if I wasn’t rushed to the hospital right away, there was a good chance I would die! Clearly, I did not.

  8. Well written! “Eventually I was born, looking similar to a monkey, with thick black hair covering my head, shoulders and back. In other words, a healthy Russian baby.” This was hilarious 😂

  9. Woow I loved this, I really felt like I had just taken a time machine to your birth. I can completely relate with not remembering my childhood and birth but being told it so often, that I can now tell it like an outside viewer watching in. Great post loved it, thank you for sharing your story!

  10. Thanks for sharing, the story brought back a lot of memories. I too am a survivor of a ‘brush’ that you too had experienced. Funny how reading someone else’s story brings back a flood of memories. I now remember my own brush, and how I have the only memory of my grandfather jumping down the stairs – frozen forever – as I looked up from the blood stained pillow I had used to cover my face. Long story, but I lost at the sharpen the stick game.
    Thank you for letting us know we are not alone.

  11. Amazingly written. Kudos.
    I’d like to know if you’ve had other encounters where the thought that your father’s blood runs in you made you toughen up and face the problem rather than run away. Just interested. Cheers!

  12. Leigh A.

    Such a beautiful story and I love the last paragraph about heart. im a big fan about the heart transplant theory 😄

  13. Reblogged this on Damon Lifestyle Therapy and commented:
    I love the idea of HeartsEverywhere’s blog. She writes, every day, about another life club that she identifies with. For those suffering from depression or any other mental illness, loneliness is a very real feeling and symptom. This project might help an individual (maybe someone who loves to write or wants to share their stories) feel a bigger sense of belonging. Any thoughts? Would you try this project?

  14. Art

    When I was an infant I was allergic to honey. But no one new about this, not my parents, not the doctors, not me (obviously). So i accidentally ate something that had enough honey in it to cause a very violent allergic reaction. My throat swelled up and I could not breath. I was instantly rushed to the doctors but they could not do anything. Luckily my grandma had connection to a doctor who specialized in homeopathic medicine. She worked in the same hospital. She gave me some pills that un-swelled my throat. Its a very complicated study but long story short I lived. My whole family still keeps in touch with that doctor. A person who saved my life.

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  16. I don’t know about that, but I know in the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding (see if it if you haven’t – the second one is coming out soon) the aunt had a twin that never developed in her neck 🙂 It was a comedy.

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  20. Slim

    I had a nde at approximately 1 years old. It was in 1981. Me and my older brother was in the pool. Those blue round circle ones. With the pictures on the bottom. The pools were they discontinued because so many kids were drowing in them. My older brother got up to go inside the house. He left me in the pool. I got up as well. But being a one year old. I could barely walk.

    So as soon as I stood up I fell face first into the water. I remember the water going into my lungs as I took a deep breath. After a while it started stinging and burning my lungs. I was fighting to stand up, but I couldn’t. My face was submerged into the water.

    After a while I stopped moving
    I felt as time has stopped. I wasn’t in pain no more. I remember a bright light. Bright as when you turn on your flashlight and stare into for 10 minutes. But the only thing this light, didnt blind you or made your eyes hurt. The light was peaceful,calm,loving. I felt like I was at home. For whatever reason I didnt want to leave. As I got older I tried to ask myself how could I know all these type of feelings when I was barely one years old.

    I remember a loud buzzing noise for about 10 to 15 seconds then I’m back. I felt my older brother slapping my back as hard as he could. I remember coughing up mass amounts of water. And I started crying. Then my brother brought me in the house. My family never called 911 or took me to the hospital. My mom was afraid my dad would be upset because she wasn’t watching me.

    I never had any lung problems. My lungs are healthy to this day. I have no brain damage. No ill effects from a person who drowned or was submerged under water for at least 10 minutes. The only way I remember this story. Is the older I got the more I started to remember. Until one day it all came together. As one story. Then I told my mom the whole story as I remembered.

    She ask me how did I know all this I was just a baby. I told her I just remembered it. It made sense. Because the same brother who found me in the water, is the same brother who died at 16. He was real protective of me. I never understand why. But now I do he was scared of losing me a second time. But instead I lost him.

    There truly is a God

  21. Pingback: I Spill My Heart and History On My Blog (and My Parents Hate It)

  22. Interesting question….does the blood have any soul? I guess it must do since it travels through our hearts and our brains…it’s our life. What a start to life…your poor mother.

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