“Learning to Say ‘So What?'” Club

At today’s therapy session with my brain doctor, she tried to “break me down.” I felt like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting in the scene where Robin Williams, as his therapist, repeats “it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault” until he broke down and cried. I didn’t break down and cry because it’s not near the end of the … Continue reading “Learning to Say ‘So What?’” Club

“In Therapy Again” Club

After Sunday’s  8-hour panic attack which wouldn’t leave, I decided it might be time to rendezvous with a therapist once again. Perhaps some meetings and a new cognitive behavioral approach will help me get a firmer grip on my mental health challenges. Here’s what I learned after today’s one hour – and you’re welcome fellow mental health challenged folks of the Internet for the Therapy Pay … Continue reading “In Therapy Again” Club

“Mental Health Challenges” Club

I have a few mental health challenges. I was born with generalized anxiety disorder which developed into panic disorder. Six years ago, the extreme morning sickness I experienced in my second pregnancy left me with a real condition called HG/PTSD and on top of it I have a mild (ha ha ha) case of hypochondria with a side of OCD which makes it hard to … Continue reading “Mental Health Challenges” Club

“Afraid of Happiness” Club

I can easily relate to the phrase, “fear of failure.” As far as fear goes, it might be the most obvious. “Fear of success,” on the other hand, sounds preposterous. I’m a perfectionist who prefixes every Google search with “best.” Success in itself isn’t even a success to me; it is what is expected. I thought success was my programmed (genetic) default. There is nothing scary about success; is there?  As … Continue reading “Afraid of Happiness” Club

“My Hypochondria is a Tick” Club

My hypochondria is a tick, like Tourette’s episode. My  conscious mind knows I’m probably overreacting to a sensation, but by this point, I’ve become hyper-aware and the army of fight or flight soldiers in my brain have been summoned and they can’t be recalled. It’s like an infection my brain creates and my body responds by sending the battalions of white blood cells. I ignite … Continue reading “My Hypochondria is a Tick” Club

“I am a Hypochondriac” Club

I am in a perpetual abusive relationship with hypochondria; I desperately want to get away from it, but somehow it controls my brain. I’ve had hypochondriac tendencies (more officially known as “illness anxiety disorder”) for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure who or what to blame and the source of the disorder is irrelevant; it’s the cure I’m after. Hypothesis theories for … Continue reading “I am a Hypochondriac” Club

“I Have a Prescription for Klonopin” Club

Klonopin is a brand name of the drug, Clonazepam, used to treat seizures, panic disorder, and anxiety. It is a controlled substance and can cause paranoid or suicidal thoughts and impair memory, judgment, and coordination. Combining this pharmaceutical with other substances, particularly alcohol, can slow breathing and possibly lead to death. Therapists and my primary care physician have prescribed this for me to ease panic … Continue reading “I Have a Prescription for Klonopin” Club

“I Over-Share” Club

I’m not a social media over-poster. In fact, after a two week trip to Hawaii, I only posted 69 of my 2,000+ photos to Facebook or Instagram. It’s not the photos I’m over-sharing; it’s my words. On Tuesday I woke up to a small flood in my apartment and on Tuesday night I wrote my blog post about it. On Wednesday I went to traffic … Continue reading “I Over-Share” Club

“I Count Everything” Club

I count often during the day. I count steps whether I’m going up or down, I count how many steps it takes to get to the laundry room, and while I sit on the toilet, I count how many tiles line the bathroom floor. I don’t remember the numbers; they’re irrelevant, I’m not measuring or keeping track. I have a constantly-multitasking abacus mind. It must … Continue reading “I Count Everything” Club

“I’m Terrified of Cancer” Club

Cancer is a boa constrictor which squeezes you from the inside and encapsulates the rest of your family into a smothering chokehold. Cancer is a terrorist which doesn’t discriminate. There are citizens in the United States (I’m passive aggressively referring to the Trump supporters) who have become so terrified of “Islamic terrorism,” they are suggesting we rewrite the entire doctrine on which our country was … Continue reading “I’m Terrified of Cancer” Club

“I’m Writing for Sanity” Club

One of the overwhelming goals of my 365 autobiographical-essay-a-day project was “writing as therapy.” I theorized that getting “it” all out of my head (while learning what “it” was) would ease my anxiety and panic disorder. I embarked on a journey to shovel the shit out of my garage of a brain, alleviating the past baggage weighing me down in the present and preventing me … Continue reading “I’m Writing for Sanity” Club

“Curing Panic One Page at a Time” Club

I had my first diagnosed panic attack on the NYC subway, on my way to work, when I was 21 years old. For the next two decades, I analyzed various triggers and tried to decipher the puzzle, of which panic attacks are just one piece. Hypochondria is another one, which, like a bully tends to edge the panic on. I’ve also noted in reviewing past … Continue reading “Curing Panic One Page at a Time” Club