“I Have a Daughter” Club

I knew I was pregnant the minute it happened. Immediately after consummation, I looked at my boyfriend (we weren’t married yet) and said, “You just got me fucking pregnant.”

He said, “Oh, I thought next week was the bad week.”

I jumped to Google to serve as our Modern-Day Genie: “What’s the optimal date to get pregnant if your last period was August 21st?” Google spat out that very day, with the reassurance that a 35 year-old-woman has only 25% chance of getting pregnant even under pristine circumstances.

“What did Google say?” He asked.

“It says I’m pregnant and soon I’ll be puking.”

I took a pregnancy test ten days later; the earliest detection test on the market. The next nine months became the unedited 365-book, sitting like a bad memory on the back of my desk, covered over with scraps of doodles. It was a difficult time dominated by puking, bed bugs and breeding rats in our drop ceiling.

I knew she was a girl from the first time I threw up. I was convinced there was too much female hormone coursing through my body overtaking my petite frame. I read scientific studies linking severe pregnancy nausea with highly intelligent kids and this kept me going – along with the due date, circled on every calendar.

During the dreadful pregnancy, my aunt said, “Every woman deserves a daughter.” This stuck with me. I had been the mommy of a boy for eight years and thought I was perfectly fit. I wasn’t a girly girl, didn’t have many girlfriends and preferred the company of males. I had gotten used to boy toys, boy clothes, boy demeanors. I knew she was a girl from day one. I joked “A boy would never treat his mother this way” every time I puked.

Most people agree she resembles a combination of the both of us, but I think she looks more like her father with my eyes. From the minute I looked into those eyes, I saw my husband’s soul staring back from my own reflection. 

My daughter turned six years old today. They say your personality is locked in by then. I pray to genetics, the universe, and my husband that my daughter never changes. She is the person I hope to become one day. Dialed to happiness, kindness, joy, and gratitude, she is also a genius. Not because she spoke her first word at four months or because she was reading by age three or because she memorized every song to Hamilton: An American Musical. She has a precocious empathetic intuitiveness far beyond her years. She senses emotions by a look, understands inflection from musical nuances and challenges me to defend every day on this planet. I truly believe the universe gives us the children we need and my girl has filled my days with glitter, magic, and perpetual rainbow glasses which put everything into clear perspective: every single day is the BEST DAY EVER!

6 thoughts on ““I Have a Daughter” Club

  1. Great sharing. Your blog just gave me another real life validation of divine channeled messages from the Other Side that new kids being born are different. More intuitive and accelerated maturity. Other such kids remember their past lives too. Our DNAs are indeed evolving. 🙂

  2. She sounds wonderful. I also have a daughter…she will be leaving for college in August. It seems like the years have flown by. The daughter club is a great one.

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