There were just three days left in my 365 writing project and my daughter is home on winter break. My husband, off to work, suggests I put on a movie for her so I can write. He knows I feel the impending heat as I am inches away from typing an imaginary “the end” on a non-traditional manuscript in a category of its own: organically, … Continue reading “Be Here Now” Club
Throughout my academic life, any grade I brought home shy of a 100 percent on a test or an A on a report card was questioned. My parents didn’t come from the “good job” school and rather were more of the “you performed just as expected” school. If I scored a 99% on an exam, my parents would inquire about the other 1%. Maybe it … Continue reading “I’m OK with a B Grade” Club
I was never one to give much weight or validity to an apology no matter how sincere. I am a proud Leo who has always struggled with apology and forgiveness. I work hard to do everything right all the time and my sense of virtue and justice hovers over me as an identifier. I’m aware I have to loosen up in terms of both. In … Continue reading “The Power of an Apology” Club
I never appreciated the extent of how awful the idea of Daylight Saving’s Time really is until I had a baby. The authorities on time declare the main purpose of Daylight Saving Time (called “Summer Time” in many places in the world) is to make better use of daylight. I call bullshit on this whole operation. Once I understood the important impact a regularly scheduled … Continue reading “I Hate Daylight Saving’s Time” Club
I didn’t grow up in a religious home; I knew I was Jewish and knew it was important that I know that. Together with my parents, I came to America as a refugee from the former Soviet Union in 1979. The anti-semitism drove my parents out; they wanted to live in a country where their religion didn’t prevent them from going to college or getting … Continue reading “I’m a Jew Who Loves Christmas Songs” Club
When I first learned my son got a starring role in his first high school play, I was ecstatic. Not just because I was living vicariously through him, but because he had finally found something in which he felt not only did he excel, but he passionately enjoyed. After two months of intense rehearsal, I was an eager mama, armed with tickets for three of … Continue reading “My Son, The Theater Star” Club
I feel too young to hear myself say it, but as I drove to pick my son up from play rehearsal at 7:30pm (gasp!) from HIGH SCHOOL (double gasp!) I inhaled deeply as I pulled off the exit and exhaled loudly, as my mind, obviously plagued by too many Hallmark cards, commercials, and TV movies, thought, “Wasn’t it just yesterday that my father was picking … Continue reading “Wasn’t It Just Yesterday?” Club
I’ve made plans for as long as I can remember and for about just as long, I’ve learned to spew John Lennon’s “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” quote. Or else there’s Woody Allen’s “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” I’ve learned even the best-laid plans get screwed up. The more you diligently … Continue reading “I’m a Planner” Club
Five months after I landed in New York City from the former Soviet Union, I had my first day at the public school across the streets from the projects in which we settled. It was an average school, (although I didn’t know the difference) and it was filled with kids just like me: fellow immigrants. We were Russian, Chinese, Korean, Indian; a quintessential New York … Continue reading “My Daughter is the Non-Immigrant at an Immigrant School” Club
The amount of anger I feel when I wake up to a messy house is unreasonable. I’m not in any physical pain, yet within minutes my insides are scorching. My soul is on fire; the rage radiates directly from my heart – I swear I feel it – and extends like an asterisk to the tips of my fingers and my toes. Call this OCD … Continue reading “My Messy House is Getting to Me” Club
I threw up every day for 9 months when I was pregnant with my daughter six years ago. The medical term for severe morning sickness is “hyperemesis-gravidarum” and until Princess Kate made it evening news, many people didn’t understand how incapacitating it is. For the first three months, I was bedridden and every morning felt like Groundhog’s Day meets The Hangover. Everyone marveled at my … Continue reading “I Have Morning Sickness PTSD” Club
What happens when you have kids? They cost money; lots of it. Even if your basic baby start-ups are provided lovingly by gifts (at a shower or through hand me downs), the bills begin accruing fast. It starts innocently enough with diapers and formula (if you’re one of the evil parents who doesn’t breastfeed for the first three years). Pretty soon you have to stay on … Continue reading “Children Used to Cost Thousands, Now They Cost Millions” Club
I don’t care how you breastfeed your baby or don’t breastfeed your baby, yet our whole country has been engaged in a dialog about if it’s OK to see photographs of women fulfilling biology’s mission. This is as mundane and obvious to me as people breathing; perhaps we should start showing pictures of humans inhaling and exhaling. In other countries around the world, how we … Continue reading “Who Cares How She Feeds Her Baby” Club
As a parent, I instinctually want to give my children more than I had, whether it comes from instinct or from some unnecessary societal “keeping up with the Jones” pressure. I’ve certainly fit into this model seamlessly; by the time my son was five years old, I’d ushered him through baseball lessons, guitar lessons and swimming lessons. When sports wasn’t his thing, but Legos were, we drove … Continue reading “Living Vicariously Through My Children” Club
I swore I’d never be one of those moms who over-scheduled her kids (as much for my sanity as for theirs) and I’ve honored this commitment until this year when it seems as the children get older, their activities multiply like dust. Without engaging in much, my week filled with cross country track, crew, and theater for the high schooler and musical theater, piano, and … Continue reading “Motherhood Revised My Resume” Club
I apologize to the millions of couples with infertility issues who may inadvertently read this. This is not your club and though I would not want to join yours, I offer sincere empathy. This is about my perpetual pregnancy paranoia. I am blessed with textbook periods; arriving like clockwork every 28 days. I have two children and I knew the exact day both were conceived. However, … Continue reading “Paranoid of Pregnancy” Club
With the joy of back-to-school, comes the dreaded burden of lunches. Early morning lunch assembly comes with a significant amount of loud sighing. We take our lunch making seriously in my household crafting well thought-out, immune-boosting, organic nutritional bundles of culinary love. We tried menu planning last year, it died down after a few months. Furthering the time commitment, we include a handmade little note … Continue reading “I Take Making School Lunches Seriously” Club
The French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne, born in 1533, was an intellectual who spent his writing life knocking the arrogance of intellectuals. In his great masterpiece, the Essays, he comes across as relentlessly wise and intelligent – and funny. Most poignantly he said, “Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies.” (Incidentally, we need a modern day moderate feminist to write a similar line about … Continue reading “I Don’t Poop in Public Bathrooms” Club
One of the concepts (and there are MANY) from My Big Fat Greek Wedding which I relate to is the father’s obsession with the ubiquitous usage of Windex as a one size fits all medical solution. My Russian father similarly resorted to his go-to resolution to remedy many health ailments: RUBBING ALCOHOL. If I got a bite, a scratch, a rash, a pimple, the solution … Continue reading “One Size Fits All Medical Solutions” Club
When I was getting divorced, no one told me, “Congratulations!” or “Good job!” Instead, they frowned, rubbed my shoulders and wanted to cry. Only, I was euphoric; I was liberated from my controlling husband and it wasn’t easy taking the final steps to leave. Getting divorced takes courage and strength and whether you’re the initiator or the receiver, you’re both victims who feel like the … Continue reading “Divorce Welcoming Committee” Club
“I would never be able to do that,” she says to me and shakes her head insistently. “There is no way I would give up my child for half the week. I cannot live without her. I would rather exist in my sexless, loveless marriage fueled by anger and resentment than give up my child. What kind of mother does that?!” “Well, me, actually,” I … Continue reading “Co-Parenting” Club
It’s my birthday and I’m another year older and like every year before this one, I woke up exactly the same. It’s a sensation which didn’t change with age; the feeling of waking up on your birthday to absolutely nothing extraordinary. As a child I was convinced if I concentrated hard enough, I’d feel something; taller or heavier or smarter or wiser, but year after … Continue reading “It’s My Birthday” Club
Growing up the only road trip my immediate family of four ever went on was to Orlando Florida, from Queens New York. My grandparents had given my parents money to take a vacation to Disney World for my 10th birthday and their 11 year wedding anniversary. My parents loaded up our silver Cutlass Supreme and created a pseudo-bed in the backseat by filling the area … Continue reading “Taking Road Trips with the Kids” Club
I’ve notoriously been a late bloomer to many things in life; I’m hoping “writing success” becomes another item on the “Late Bloomer list” and one day my kids will read this list as encouragement. I have a goal of making it onto one of those lists of people who weren’t successful until their 40s, like Stan Lee and Vera Wang and Julia Child and Henry Ford, … Continue reading “Late Bloomer” Club
I live less than half a mile from the George Washington Bridge, a magnificent and iconic span over the Hudson River, providing gorgeous views of Manhattan. The bridge carries over 106 million vehicles per year, making it the world’s busiest motor vehicle bridge. It is also a popular bridge for pedestrians and bikers, with a total of 382,433 bike trips and 226,047 pedestrian trips across … Continue reading “I’m Afraid of Heights” Club
My six-year-old daughter made a friend on vacation and for two weeks they were inseparable, forming a storybook bond of friendship. The only challenge is we live in New York and the new friend lives in San Diego. Lucky for us we live in an age of technology; FaceTime at our fingertips. Our first call was from the airport and the girls giggled with delight … Continue reading “The Art of Talking on the Phone” Club
One of the hidden and unexpected joys of mothering my all-American daughter has been witnessing her form friendships. When it happens, I can almost see the magical spark it takes to initially ignite a friendship. Watching my daughter interact with a new friend has been akin to observing a flower blossom on time lapse. Friendship comes so easily for her and I often ponder whether … Continue reading “Witnessing the Birth of a Friendship” Club
Legos were the first way I bonded with my son. I would help him sort through his almost thousand-piece Star Wars sets, organizing them by color, shape, and size, and page-by-page, we’d work through the multiple booklets and put together some flying fighter contraption which lived on his bookshelf until we moved. As a voracious reader, my son preferred fantasy/science fiction while my brain insisted … Continue reading “Searching for Geocaches” Club
I wouldn’t call myself a “girly girl” (I’m sure feminists would love a diatribe on the phrase alone), but I love makeup. I’m not a shopper, couldn’t care less about purses or shoes, but I’ve always looked at my face as a canvas I can perfect upon. I have always firmly believed everyone looks better with makeup and I never leave the house without it … Continue reading “I Took a Break from Make Up” Club
I earned a special set of MILF stripes a few days later, doing laundry on the 7th floor (I use more than one floor), I run into Matthew’s father. Tall and jovial like his sun, he is eager to chat as I’m carrying my laundry up one floor and when we both get off at 7th, me to use the machines, him to go home, … Continue reading “I’m a MILF” Club – Part 2
It’s funny to think we’ll be eternally grateful for the American Pie movie series for introducing the term, MILF (Mother I’d Like to Fuck) into the mainstream lexicon. I’m not being presumptuous by declaring myself a member because it’s clearly up to another person to declare you a MILF, the criteria being someone else has to want to fuck you. Lucky for me, I was … Continue reading “I’m a MILF” Club – Part 1
Aside from EVERYTHING related to the challenge of writing every single day this year for my self-imposed challenge, one of the biggest hurdles has been allowing for my apartment to get messy. I knew this would be part of the deal. I knew I would have to prioritize writing over dishes, writing over vacuuming, writing over a clean toilet. I am not clinically OCD about … Continue reading “I Abandoned My Obsession With A Clean House (For Now)” Club
I’m on to husband number two, but in selecting both mates, above all else, I valued a man who would be an exemplary father. The first time I valued it more than connection, respect, passion, honesty with myself. Both times I wanted a partner who was signing up for exactly 50% of the parenting ride; half the diaper changing, feedings, bathing, lunches, doctor’s visits, playdates … Continue reading “My 2 Children Have 2 Fathers” Club
Today my 14-year-old graduated and the school celebrated with a “Middle Memories” production composed of performances by the band, chorus, theater, and some faculty speeches. My son, along with five other theater classmates performed a dramatic sketch where they acted out hypothetical future careers and poignantly poked fun of how life is ever changing. Their piece precociously demonstrated how even if you start on one … Continue reading “I Have a High Schooler” Club
I knew I was pregnant the minute it happened. Immediately after consummation, I looked at my boyfriend (we weren’t married yet) and said, “You just got me fucking pregnant.” He said, “Oh, I thought next week was the bad week.” I jumped to Google to serve as our Modern-Day Genie: “What’s the optimal date to get pregnant if your last period was August 21st?” Google … Continue reading “I Have a Daughter” Club
My mother tried to send me to day camp one year when I was about eight. I rejected this notion and held steadfast to the declaration, “I am not a camp girl.” I didn’t like to swim, change in locker rooms, or play team sports. I had no interest in getting dirty, rallying behind something, or interacting with kids my own age. No one would … Continue reading “I Wasn’t a Camp Girl” Club
It is biologically counterintuitive to NOT love your mother; you cannot un-love from where you were born. I wish I could un-love my mother. I’ve tried to build walls to protect myself, but instead, I built panic attacks, hypochondria, and chronic anxiety. I am a happy person because I work hard not to be sad, like my mother. My funny, sarcastic mother who biologically transplanted … Continue reading “My Mother is an Alcoholic” Club
I’ve never believed in the tooth fairy – even when I was a newly immigrated 6-year-old losing her first tooth. I saw right through the hokey pokey stuff they tried to sell me on. I didn’t discriminate against the fairies; I was an equal opportunity doubter and didn’t believe in God, Santa or the Easter Bunny. Fast forward 35 years and my daughter lost her … Continue reading “I Don’t Believe in the Tooth Fairy” Club
The minute I saw the lights near the library, I knew it was that time of year – the church carnival. Augh. Nothing about the yearly carnival at the church parking lot tempted me. But to my almost six-year-old daughter, this was a palace of rainbows and unicorns; the very incarnation of FUN. My husband promised to take her on Saturday if the weather cooperated. … Continue reading “I Hate(d) Carnivals” Club
One night last week at bedtime, my five-year-old daughter wrapped her arms around my husband and me into a tight embrace and said, “Oh I love you BOTH SOOOOO MUCH!” She squeezed us with all her might and looked my husband square in the eyes and said, “But mommy is one number higher than daddy. I love you the same, but she is one higher.” … Continue reading “Daddy’s Girl” Club
I’ve been a co-parent (with my ex-husband) to my 14-year-old son for 12 years and I’ve wanted to write an article about it for just as long. Only, every time I sit down to the business of actually writing this piece, it feels like the grand opus I’m not ready to tackle. In the wake of my piece on my ho-hum attitude on Mother’s Day, … Continue reading “I’m a Co-Parent” Club (100-Word Story)
“Happy is my favorite color,” it says across my daughter’s favorite new t-shirt, where “happy” is written in rainbow sequins. For me, sometimes my favorite color is blue. Our society doesn’t endorse sadness. In fact, we do everything to avoid feeling sad. We take happy pills, we drink bright colored liquors, and we smoke plants, vapors, and tobaccos; all to get happy. Who is going … Continue reading “Sometimes I Get Sad”Club
I hate Mother’s Day and feel so guilty saying it, but it’s the goddamn truth. My mother is still alive and so is my grandmother. With my five-year-old daughter, we can pose for a “four-generation of women” photo and enjoy a picturesque brunch where a vase of tulips holds down the cream-colored linen tablecloths. Only this doesn’t happen, nor would it ever with the parties … Continue reading “I Hate Mother’s Day” Club
Unlike math, parenthood has no right answer. From the onset, I held this 7-pound slimy human who was reliant on me for every bodily function 24/7 and I had no idea what I was doing. By the time I emerged from the haze of year one, my little human was using words and persuasive behavioral tactics (read: debate-worthy negotiations) I worried so much about things … Continue reading “I Have a Teenager” Club
I don’t have many notable talents, but the ability to converse with pretty much anyone is my biggest claim to fame. However, occasionally I want to slip into the 6-year-old shell of myself, and retreat into a dark turtle shell so I can avoid the adult polite conversation known as chit chat. Examples of times I want to avoid grown up chit chat: Back to … Continue reading “I Avoid Adult Chit Chat” Club
Emma finished the mile in 5.4 minutes in the 85-degree heat. She did so with the ease I do nothing, not even write these words. No panting or hunching over in exhaustion; if she was sweating, I couldn’t tell. This was a private school track meet in New York City. At the onset of 7th grade, my son had the opportunity to choose a sport … Continue reading “I Weep at Track Meets” Club
I didn’t like playgrounds as a kid and I certainly don’t enjoy them now as a mother. I blame the movie, Kramer vs. Kramer for instigating my lifelong playground paranoia. In an unforgettable scene, the boy playing Dustin Hoffman’s son falls off the monkey bars onto the very unsafe concrete. He runs to his son (too late), scoops his bloody body and runs with him … Continue reading “I Hate Playgrounds” Club
A Delaware teen recently received ample press coverage when her college essay about Costco gained her admission into five Ivy League schools – and Stanford. She attested that Costco “fueled her insatiability and cultivated curiosity at a cellular level.” I tend to contemplate the effects of Costco on our society, only I scrutinize it through a 41-year-old lens. The population at Costco is not a … Continue reading “Costco Membership” Club
There exists a trifecta of responses given to a person who is stressing out: “Calm down,” or “Relax!” or “Don’t worry.” These comforting phrases only work as triggers to make me angrier and want to slap the deliverer in the face. However, earlier this week, my 14-year-old son may have invented an interesting psychological “calm down” technique in lieu of the useless trifecta. We were … Continue reading “A New Way to Worry” Club
My daughter was born 6 years ago, in the Pre-Timeline Facebook era. This scary period in early modern history allowed friends to post anything they wanted on your page without giving you the opportunity to approve it first. I keenly recall laying in the recovery room after my emergency cesarean section, separated from two other women by curtains, with a painkiller drip. The world spun … Continue reading “Let Me Announce My Own Announcements” Club
HeartsEverywhere 