Recently I went on a computer scavenger hunt to find some old writing pieces. On my way to the X-Marks the Spot, I found some random G-isms that I wrote here and there along the way. Most fall under the category of life and emotions. Here I spew:
Don’t give in to the anger. Some pattern of behavior causes you to be mad all the time for the same reasons. Instead of letting the anger win – take the upper hand. Understand why you’re feeling angry – and try to figure out WHY you’re feeling this way. What’s the underlying cause of the anger? If you realize you won’t be mad/angry – you just won’t be. It’s up to you to feel what you want to feel. If you don’t want to feel angry – then choose to feel something else.
But you have to truly do it and then it works.
I just want to keep on writing. It’s like all my life I’ve been walking around with thoughts in my head – just sentences dancing around a Bingo wheel – spinning and spinning and then popping once in a while to get called. Rarely will you get a ‘Bingo!’
But words just keep spilling from me and I want to write them down. I finally got a minute. I’ve been writing for 27 years in my head and I just feel like I want to get them all out. The thoughts, the realizations, the memories – all those stories.
My boyfriend told me that comedians believe that you have to write everything twice. Write it once and throw it away. If it’s good, it will come back. Well I guess now I’m waiting for them all to flow out. All those circling words.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized that I could quell my insanity by writing. Once I started doing it regularly, I realized it was bringing my anxious soul to rest. All the words and sentences that dance around in my mind finally freed onto paper. So yay for me – writing helps me not be a crazy lunatic.
So why do I ever stop?
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been divorced – when that wedding anniversary date roles up, you take note. Positively or negatively or nonchalantly, you take note. Wednesday would have been my 8th anniversary – but I cut out at 4. The vows broken and dowry divided. When you get married your families combine. Your friends, your households, your money, your stuff. All that fucking stuff that you have to go through and divide.
I went full circle – mine and yours – to ours – to mine and yours again.
ON FEAR (of happiness and success):
Fear of happiness – why do we have it? It comes from the same place in our minds that fosters fear of success. It’s what keeps you from trying, but not truly pursuing your dreams. You may not recognize this as fear – but it often pops up as “what-ifs” to every scenario. “What-ifs” that function to produce doubt and instability – negatives to any happiness equation.
Fear of success … what if you can’t live up to what you promise? What if you don’t believe in yourself? All these what-ifs are nothing more than fear.