I earned a special set of MILF stripes a few days later, doing laundry on the 7th floor (I use more than one floor), I run into Matthew’s father. Tall and jovial like his sun, he is eager to chat as I’m carrying my laundry up one floor and when we both get off at 7th, me to use the machines, him to go home, he continues the conversation.

“I don’t use these laundry machines anymore,” he says. “One Sunday I used it for too many hours and one of the neighbors complained and from then on I’ve been taking it to the laundromat on Route 46. I can load it all in at once, it’s faster and I’m done in an hour and a half.”

“Wow,” I say, more amazed that the man in the family is doing all the laundry hustling. “Sounds great. I just use three floors here; it’s my workout!”

“When I get my car fixed, I can take you one Sunday if you like, with your laundry.”

“Ha!” I laugh nervously. This is a kind of weird offer. “Maybe you can just take my laundry!” I say this as a joke because when I’m nervous instead of shutting down I say inappropriate things. He ponders this for a moment, not seeing the joke.

“Okay,” he says, “No problem. I can do that.”

“I’ll let you know; thanks for the offer.”

I laugh again, only entertaining the idea for a split second. The inappropriateness of such an arrangement is in what he would really want in return. I am guessing quarters for extra spin cycle enjoyment wouldn’t cut it. What kind of message would I be giving him? “I don’t mind if you sniff a pair or two of my undies or even pocket a pair in payment.”

Instead, I file this right behind the Matthew experience as reinforcement that I’m still in the MILF Club. As a father/son team up they collectively unseat my #1 MILF story. While on a sister trip to Vegas a guy named “Lefty” tried to hit on me by offering me $100 to gamble.

In retrospect, I should have taken it for fun, or to spite him, but, my inner feminist forced me to say, “I make plenty of my own money to waste on blackjack and it would cost you a whole lot more than a hundred bucks to fuck me.”

“You’re so hot. I apologize.”

Now that’s how you show a mom respect.