On our drive down for a weekend visit to Philadelphia, I said out loud to my car witnesses, “The only famous person I know in Philadelphia is Jennifer Weiner.” “Who’s that?” My 14-year-old son asked. He hasn’t had the benefit of jumping into her stories, engaging with her thoughtful, well-rounded, intelligent characters. “She’s one of your mom’s favorite writers,” my husband chimes in. “She wants … Continue reading “I Met My Favorite Writer” Club
I used to think it was just the contractors who conspired to give us all two-week estimates for projects which end up taking two months. Or worse, four months and a trip to court. When we moved into our apartment, we conducted a major renovation including new hardwood floors, all new closet doors, wall rearrangement, repainting everything, fixing the “popcorn” ceilings and other minor repairs. … Continue reading “I Do My Own Home Renovations” Club
I’m not sure what the science behind it is, but gay men and I have a chemistry which has repeatedly proven successful. I get along well with gay men and they think I’m dandy; we bond over chatting, and a mutual adoration of my big hair and pouty lips. I’ve always had a hard time with girlfriends but gay men were a great compromise of … Continue reading “I Get Along Best With My Gay Friends” Club
I was calculating how many books I can read on a several-stop trip to Hawaii we’re planning later this year and the thought struck me about how heavy this would make my bags. For a minute, I considered plunging into the of benefits digital reading, but just as soon, my considerations were debunked. We can’t consume all our information from screens of varying sizes; our … Continue reading “I’m Team Paper” Club
I’m in a fashion slump and this is nothing new. For the last seven years, I’ve worked from home and subsisted on a wardrobe of leggings, yoga pants, camisoles, two pairs of jeans, four sweatshirts, and five plaid shirts. For three seasons of the year, I wear a jacket, even on date nights, over my outfit-less outfits, which help buffer the urgency to shop. On … Continue reading “I’m in a Fashion Slump”Club
Unlike math, parenthood has no right answer. From the onset, I held this 7-pound slimy human who was reliant on me for every bodily function 24/7 and I had no idea what I was doing. By the time I emerged from the haze of year one, my little human was using words and persuasive behavioral tactics (read: debate-worthy negotiations) I worried so much about things … Continue reading “I Have a Teenager” Club
I don’t have many notable talents, but the ability to converse with pretty much anyone is my biggest claim to fame. However, occasionally I want to slip into the 6-year-old shell of myself, and retreat into a dark turtle shell so I can avoid the adult polite conversation known as chit chat. Examples of times I want to avoid grown up chit chat: Back to … Continue reading “I Avoid Adult Chit Chat” Club
I signed up for Paul McCartney’s Fan mailing list to be notified of ticket sales before the general public. As a super-fan, I get a special code (which incidentally is easy to find with the glory of Google) and TicketMaster opens up its virtual doors a few days early to the lucky few. This has happened on several occasions. Each time, I set an alarm … Continue reading “I Can’t Buy Concert Tickets Anymore” Club
Emma finished the mile in 5.4 minutes in the 85-degree heat. She did so with the ease I do nothing, not even write these words. No panting or hunching over in exhaustion; if she was sweating, I couldn’t tell. This was a private school track meet in New York City. At the onset of 7th grade, my son had the opportunity to choose a sport … Continue reading “I Weep at Track Meets” Club
When my teenager snaps back at me, I know it wasn’t his intention to slap me with his words, so I forgive him. When my husband is late time and time again or when he walks away without telling me where he’s going even though I’ve asked him to communicate for 11 years, I know it wasn’t his intention to say, “Fuck you” with his … Continue reading “Understanding Intention” Club
I woke up with spring fever. My eyes stung from the orange sun creating a spotlight on my face; my ears tuned into the inaugural bird symphonies of the season. My sun-deprived body was tugged by an invisible magnet outdoors. I held my husband’s hand as we hiked up rocky terrain hovering over the shallow red-sand beaches; the famous bridge in the distant haze. We … Continue reading “I Have Spring Fever” Club – 100 Word Story
I didn’t like playgrounds as a kid and I certainly don’t enjoy them now as a mother. I blame the movie, Kramer vs. Kramer for instigating my lifelong playground paranoia. In an unforgettable scene, the boy playing Dustin Hoffman’s son falls off the monkey bars onto the very unsafe concrete. He runs to his son (too late), scoops his bloody body and runs with him … Continue reading “I Hate Playgrounds” Club
The gray wiry hairs crept into my dark mane slowly from the temples, combining to create a spray painted white look when my wore my hair in a ponytail. I would not be one to gray gracefully; I would cover up my mortality reminder. Following my immigrant, practical instincts, I tried the box dye which resulted in a brassy-diarrhea look. Instead of “washing that gray … Continue reading “I Dye My Hair” Club
I’m writing every day. Yay. Good job. Celebrating my little victories, ceremonial pat on the back at 100 days; 265 to go. What’s 28% of anything? I’m a marathon runner on mile 7.4 of 26.2. In the back of my head I’m thinking, OK so I’m gaining some expertise; I’m flexing my muscles daily but where am I getting. If I’m just doing the training … Continue reading “I Blog” Club
My father hasn’t read my blog since I started my “365 Project” on January 1st of this year. This is my 103rd piece and still I haven’t received a “good job” or “fun read” or even “nice to make me look like an asshole in that piece.” Instead, I got nothing. At first, I wondered had he read the piece which had gotten press, the … Continue reading “My Parents Aren’t My Loudest Cheerleaders” Club
A Delaware teen recently received ample press coverage when her college essay about Costco gained her admission into five Ivy League schools – and Stanford. She attested that Costco “fueled her insatiability and cultivated curiosity at a cellular level.” I tend to contemplate the effects of Costco on our society, only I scrutinize it through a 41-year-old lens. The population at Costco is not a … Continue reading “Costco Membership” Club
While doing some heavy cleaning, I put my diamond engagement ring and simple wedding band on my ring holder. Later in the evening I noticed my naked finger and asked my husband to retrieve my rings from the bedroom. He brought the sparkly round diamond ring, surrounded by a halo of small diamonds, and mimicking a proposal, he asked me to marry him as he … Continue reading “Wearing the Engagement Ring Without the Wedding Band” Club
Over pancakes this morning, my 5-year-old daughter spent 15 minutes describing last night’s dream to me in detail. “There was a fire in the building and I told everyone we had to evacuate, but before we did, I reminded them to grab their phones and laptops! Don’t worry, the cats were already rescued. We went outside with all our things and by the time we … Continue reading “The Dream Gene” Club
The six-word memoir concept made me think of tombstones. For those of us who don’t write a memoir or autobiography, will the gravestone become the everlasting definition of ourselves? Historically, marble slabs are etched with names, dates lived, and titles. Our lives are summed up by how we related to someone else. Daughter, Sister, Mother, Wife. In the end is that ultimately how we want … Continue reading “Writing 6-Word Memoirs” Club
There exists a trifecta of responses given to a person who is stressing out: “Calm down,” or “Relax!” or “Don’t worry.” These comforting phrases only work as triggers to make me angrier and want to slap the deliverer in the face. However, earlier this week, my 14-year-old son may have invented an interesting psychological “calm down” technique in lieu of the useless trifecta. We were … Continue reading “A New Way to Worry” Club
I’ve done my taxes on my own using TurboTax, from the comfort of my own home, for the last 8 years. The software stores all of my old documents for me and welcomes me and guides me kindly and simply through questions which I can do on my own schedule (or at 3am). Even with a small business return to file, I never paid more … Continue reading “I Do My Own Taxes” Club
According to rough calculations, I’ve had my menstrual period 340 times in my life, and still, every 28 days, like clockwork, I’m surprised. Despite my regularity, with the date long predicted, every month, it’s like we’re meeting for the first time. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I’ve gone to wipe, saw the smear of bright red and haven’t thought, for a … Continue reading “Every 28 Days I’m a Bleeder”Club
I have always believed non-traditional exercise had a higher success rate at pleasure secretions in my brain than running or walking up an invisible staircase. As far as endorphins and their correlation to exercise; sex seems to satisfy two birds with one bush. Or something like that. Here are my Top 5 “Non-Traditional” Exercises: Braiding my hair. I compulsively braid my hair while I’m reading, … Continue reading “Non-Traditional Exercise” Club
I’ve had a lifelong, hate-hate relationship with exercise. I feel exactly the same way about it as I did about breastfeeding: no matter how many scientific studies I read, my body didn’t get the memo it was supposed to feel good. The first time I dipped into exercise was in high school. My best friend and I decided we would get up early in … Continue reading “I Avoid Traditional Exercise” Club
I have this fantasy one day I will be in the elevator (or anywhere) and Russian-speaking people will talk about me without knowing I understand them and I will turn around and surprise them with my exquisite command of Russian curses. This has yet to happen. At our last Gogol Bordello concert, I found myself surrounded by fellow Russians in midlife crisis partying with this … Continue reading “Living Outside My Native Tongue” Club
The first day of work often feels like the first day of school, and often just as memorable. My first job after college was as an Account Executive at an advertising agency. On my first day, I was paraded around the office with introductions, row by row in the maze of cubicles. I gave my name at least twice to everyone and shook their hand … Continue reading “Becoming CEO of Me” Club
My daughter was born 6 years ago, in the Pre-Timeline Facebook era. This scary period in early modern history allowed friends to post anything they wanted on your page without giving you the opportunity to approve it first. I keenly recall laying in the recovery room after my emergency cesarean section, separated from two other women by curtains, with a painkiller drip. The world spun … Continue reading “Let Me Announce My Own Announcements” Club
Yesterday was the 37th anniversary of my immigration to America from the former Soviet Union and I forgot all about it. The date isn’t circled or marked on my calendar. Maybe my parents independently raised a shot glass toasting the memory, but I’ve gone years without noting the day. For my parents, it marked the day they started their new life but since 1979, there … Continue reading “37 Years an Immigrant” Club
I want to have an essay published in the New York Times Modern Love column by the end of this year. They get over 600 submissions and accept 4 a month. (With the addition of the new Modern Love Podcast, I’m betting the submissions have quadrupled.) For the girl behind HeartsEverywhere.com, The Modern Love column is my (first) Pulitzer. Originally I thought I’d try submitting … Continue reading “I Write About How Much I Love My Husband” Club
I love roller coasters and zip lining but put me on a balcony on the 17th floor, and I get the feeling in my butt. And in my lower thighs. Mostly, in my palms. They will sweat profusely, forming puddles in the cracks. I used to say “I don’t like heights” but the truth is, I’m afraid of heights. Terrified. In a roller coaster, I’m … Continue reading “I’m Afraid of Heights” Club
I’ve written three essays on my son’s birthday and I could probably write another two with all the “outtakes.” Is there a limit to how much you can tell your kids how awesome they are? Tiger mom would argue yes. Why am I still writing about my firstborn? “Write what you know,” they say. So I do. I enjoy writing about the men in my … Continue reading My Son’s Birth Story – 100 Word Story
At a certain point when my 14-year-old son was knee-deep in boy years (5-11), I wondered if he and I would ever have anything in common. I would continue to build Legos and watch Superhero movies but I didn’t love them in the way he did. We agreed on a love of science, but when he geeked out on me with equations, I went AWOL. … Continue reading “My Boy, He’s Just Like Me” Club
My son turns 14 tomorrow and I’ve spent some time thinking about this milestone, as I do each year. Usually, I attempt to write him a poignant letter of some kind, since words are a unique, everlasting gift (and cheap). Most years I’m greatly disappointed in whatever I write. Not just because I’m hard on myself (duh, see definition for a writer), but because even … Continue reading “Motherhood” Club
I’ve had a love affair with glossy magazines for as long as I can remember. When I was an immigrant kid, I even prized those subscription squares from the TV Guide. I always painstakingly filled each one out, as if it was my job. To this day, I attest my beautiful penmanship to those writing drills I gave myself. As a journalism major at NYU, … Continue reading “I Conducted a Magazine Audit” Club
11 Years and I just learned my husband gives names to his notebooks. I noticed this by accident, as I turned to the first page of a clean lined book and saw a drawing of “39¢” in bubble numbers. “Why did you doodle the price tag?” I asked him. “It’s the name of the book!” “You name your books?” “Of course, I do,” he said … Continue reading “I’m Married to an Artist” Club
I haven’t indulged in the industry-recommended gynecological “well visit” for almost 6 years. Insert audible gasp here. I am a college-educated, healthy woman and have made a concerted effort to live my healthy lifestyle and avoid the medical industry’s overly generalized recommendations. I’m of the “I control my own health and no one else knows my body like I do” mentality. Bonus: my body vigilance … Continue reading “I Avoid Doctors” Club
I joined Twitter in December 2008 (only 21 months late to the party) and pitched hard from the TweetDeck until 2012. Then I took a break. In those 4 years time, I sent about 1,800 tweets; averaging to roughly 1.23 tweets per day. I’m not sure what that means about me or my life, but I didn’t miss it when I dropped off the Twitterverse … Continue reading “I’m Back to the Twitter Party” Club
When we moved to NJ from New York City (NYC) four years ago, we did so kicking and screaming (our rent increase of $1,200 forced us out). We thought this might be a “five-year plan,” which aligned perfectly with my personality as I’ve never lived anywhere for more than four years. We moved to the first building off the George Washington Bridge, which is as … Continue reading “I Used to Live in the City” Club
The first time I brought my husband (then boyfriend) to meet my father in Staten Island I was anxious about being on time. My father appreciated and demanded promptness; it coursed through his Russian blood, and it wasn’t just from his two years in the Soviet army. I was brought up respecting the clock and to value our ever fleeting minutes. To this day, I … Continue reading “My Husband Is Always Late” Club
At the onset of food’s introduction into our lives, its primary function is to nourish us. However, somewhere down the line, it takes on a far greater role: it entertains us, comfort us, and often control us, marionette-like. Most people lug with them some “food” baggage; not just anorexics or bulimics (or women), but anyone who’s ever been on a diet. My long-term and often … Continue reading “I Hate Food” Club
I didn’t realize “Saying Yes” existed as a cultural momentum until I read it in Amy Poehler’s book, appropriately called Yes Please. Soon afterward I noted how the opportunity to say, “yes” surrounded us. My daughter’s drama class had a parent observation day and I marveled at how my almost 6-year-old dove right for the “yes!” The realization of “yes” versus “no” people never seemed … Continue reading “Learning to Say Yes” Club
The day I met my husband just over 11 years ago he was working his “day job” as a professional clown. I was a young mother taking my son to his first Manhattan birthday party. Our how we met story is awesome, as anyone who is lingering in the happily ever after part, would say. We left the party together and the first question I … Continue reading “I’m a Reluctant Artist” Club
I enjoy a vacation where I can dive into the utter meaning of the word, down to its root, “to vacate.” I strive to abandon my daily annoyances and embark on the temporary movie-of-my-life mode. I crave the beach; it is therapeutic and sacred. At the beach, my body is warm enough to be almost naked, one with the earth. Here I can collapse into … Continue reading “I Want to Vacate On My Vacations” Club
14 years ago I was awarded the mommy title and never looked back. Who was I before I became a mother? I vaguely remember waking up thinking of myself first. As a child, I didn’t play with baby dolls or babysit. Having a sister seven years my junior was plenty motherhood for me. I didn’t even think I wanted to have kids. Before children, life … Continue reading “14 Years of Motherhood” Club
Another 100-Word Story My 14-year-old son’s face became swollen; cheeks like chipmunks and lips resembled bad botox. His mouth ached, with pustules in his throat. No fever. Probably a virus but fear gripped me by the shoulders when he said his throat felt tight. Sitting in the ER, I feel foolish. My son seemed fine, playing video games. After 4 uneventful hours: “Here’s Prednisone, Benadryl, … Continue reading “At the ER Waiting Room” Club
Last night my five-year-old daughter came out after we tucked her in for some familiar bedtime shenanigans. My husband and I are natural night owls who can understand her tug towards wanting to stay up. Who wants to go go to bed when mommy and daddy clearly throw a party every night after she goes to bed? Her excuse this night was, “I’m just so … Continue reading “I Recognize Myself in My Daughter” Club
Every day this year I vowed to write – and with this promise, I send a bit of blood, sweat, tears, and cliches out into the Interweb AKA the vast mecca of others just like me. Closely tied to this commitment is my pledge “not to care” if I don’t get favorable (or any) response. It’s been 70 days and I haven’t made a blip … Continue reading “Waiting for Likes” Club
Yesterday was International Women’s Day. I wrote my 5-year-old daughter a poignant note on the back of a watercolored card I painted for her, which said: “believe in your dreams.” Between my daily musings urging her to smile and be kind, I urged her to celebrate being a beautiful, smart little woman. Not because she is able to comprehend the power of womanhood now, but … Continue reading “I’m a Womanist Feminist” Club
(No, I will not blame spring fever for choosing to write another 100-word story for today, although it is a real affliction and this is a very poignant and true story!) I worked for an advertising agency in the city where I had a windowed office overlooking 42nd Street. The news station, WPIX occupied the top floor and I rendezvoused with Mr. G, the Weatherman, … Continue reading “I Used To Have a Corporate Job” Club
I’ve conducted varying degrees of spring cleaning on friendships over the years. As I’ve gotten older, the less time I have for shitty friends. Women friendships seem to undergo transformations with the catalyst of motherhood. Instead of supporting one another, we turn into judgmental know-it-alls who are desperately insecure. The only way I saw my friends who were now moms was under the added stress … Continue reading “I Audit Friendships” Club
HeartsEverywhere 