People haunt me from the past; the mysteries of what’s become of them. When my family came to America in 1979, we didn’t document our everyday life the way we do in today’s selfie generation. We broke out the cameras for special events, birthday parties, weddings, occasional trips to the zoo, and vacations. Studying through old images, I recognize a familiar group of people reappearing … Continue reading “Old Photos Play Tricks with My Memory” Club
I am not a ballerina, even though I have the perfect name for one. Girls typically start dance classes in grade school, but we were new Soviet immigrants living in the projects, and we saved the dancing for parties at Russian restaurants. At one point, somewhere between age 6 and 13, I passive-aggressively mentioned to my mother how I never got dance lessons even though … Continue reading “I’m Not a Ballerina” Club
If you had to pack up your life into two suitcases, what would you bring? I ponder this occasionally when I find myself using something my parents brought with them from the Soviet Union in 1979. Today I poured water into a stemmed glass adorned with a train decal. I inherited these six glasses from my mother because I had mentioned to her I liked … Continue reading “Engaging With Souvenirs from the Old World” Club
I’m not good at picking places to meet – for coffee, for dinner, or to exchange artwork and catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in real life for 25 years. When my husband drags us along, completing his travel-based project across the country on 2-week road trips, it falls on me to find places to eat along the way. Thank the technology wizards … Continue reading “Don’t Ask Me To Pick a Place to Meet” Club
I learned customer service when I was 13 years old, working at our family’s donut shop. Marlene from the morning shift was a trustable source; a version of her existed in New York City coffee shops in the 1980s. She taught me these important rules: The customer is always right. This is technically the only rule of customer service, but I supplemented with three more … Continue reading “Bring Back Customer Service” Club
Virgin Mobile, you suck! I’ve been a customer of their no-contract wireless service for over four years, enjoying my Samsung Galaxy S2 until two weeks ago when I dropped it onto the concrete of Main Street and it shattered beyond repair. Time for an upgrade. Satisfied with my provider up until now, I ordered a new iPhone 6 through their Website. Excited to get my … Continue reading “Virgin Mobile, You Suck” Club
When I worked in the family donut shop as a teenager, one of the co-workers told me she was chemically imbalanced, which was the clinical diagnosis of being too sensitive. She suggested I consider getting myself the same diagnosis and the pills which accompanied it. I’ve battled with intense emotional reactions for as long as I can remember, and blame myself for being too sensitive. … Continue reading “I Grapple With Irrational Emotions” Club
On Valentine’s Day, my family visited my 87-year-old grandmother. My five-year-old daughter wanted to dress up. She donned a dress with a sparkly heart top and a tutu skirt. She asked me to do her hair with the curling wand (she saw me using it earlier). Then she took my brush and put on some blush and some red (!) lipgloss. I also let her … Continue reading “I Tell My Daughter She’s Beautiful” Club
The last vacation I took with my parents and sister was to Puerto Rico in July 1996. I just graduated from NYU, newly dating my later-to-be husband. My sister was madly in love with her then boyfriend and played Nothing Else Matters by Metallica on loop the whole time. My parents, still two years shy of their quarter-century divorce, met some fellow Russians vacationers and … Continue reading “I Took My Last Family Vacation For Granted” Club
The IV bag hangs from a plastic seahorse suspended on a steel pole. A life-saving poison slowly drips through the plastic tube into the thin, fragile vein of a 4-year-old girl. Her face is swollen, her hair is merely a cap of fuzz, but her smile is electric. Today her anesthesia comes in the form of laughter courtesy of Looney Lenny the Clown. He calls … Continue reading “I Carry the Weight of Other People’s Sick Children” Club
In my 41 years, I’ve only had four birthday parties. My birthday falls in the middle of August when my classmates and friends were either notoriously at camp or on family vacations, so my mother always had an excuse for skipping a kids’ birthday party. What did I know of American birthday parties anyway? We celebrated most of my birthdays with family and my parents’ … Continue reading “I Don’t Like My Birthday Parties” Club
Skepticism is my natural inclination, my snap-judgement dial glued to the default: doubt. You may think I’ve developed this slightly pragmatic, partially dubious character over time, but I’m quite sure I was born this way. I began speaking at nine months, and by a year, I “spoke in full sentences,” according to my mother. I must have received a shitload of applause for my precocious … Continue reading “I’m a WYSIWYG Girl” Club
I don’t live on the edge much. I observe expirations dates and tax deadlines. I stop at all red lights and will not text and drive. But even I have a sell-out price to tempt danger. We live in a building right off the George Washington Bridge. We love this location for its proximity to Manhattan (ten minutes to midtown) but we have begun to … Continue reading “I Pick Up Hitchhikers” Club
I live right near the George Washington Bridge, so when walking my daughter to school, we encounter three seasoned crossing guards. Today I noticed a driver performing a dangerous and illegal move, jeopardizing other cars and pedestrians. This abominable situation outraged me. I would never think to make that illegal left! I shared my indignation with crossing card # 2 on my path. She smiled, and … Continue reading “Bring Back the Citizens Arrest” Club
If I admit I’m a liar from the onset, how much will you continue to read? What if I promise you this piece of writing is absolute, 100% the truth? I do lie sometimes, but I won’t right now. Humans usually start lying around age two, and as we get older, the more complicated of a fabrication we can concoct. I won’t go into the … Continue reading “I’m a Liar” Club
My family immigrated to America when I was almost five years old and I have few memories of my life in Kiev. I’ve recollected few stories of my childhood and those have been enough to sustain me. Big chunks of time are missing in my memories. My American husband thinks my young refugee status left me somewhat traumatized, but I disagree. He has suggested a … Continue reading “I Lost My Memories” Club
The successful and stunning Ariel Winter from Modern Family received some feedback for wearing a dress to the SAG Awards, which revealed a scar from her breast-reduction surgery. She felt compelled to justify her fashion choice: “There’s a reason I didn’t cover up my scars! They are a part of me and I’m not ashamed of them at all.” Scars are life’s tattoos; autographs left … Continue reading “Scars are my Souvenirs of Life” Club
This morning as I sat in my car, my seat warmer keeping my ass nice and toasty, Elvis Duran is entertaining me because they’re talking about what movie represents your love life … and I think to myself is there a movie with clowns in it that aren’t scary? And it doesn’t dawn on me until they’re been off the air for two hours, that … Continue reading “I Ignore Homeless People” Club
In Russian are two words for ass, but they are modifications of one another. One is pronounced “paw-pa” and the other is pronounced “zj-awpa.” That first one is like “tush,” the second one is like “ass.” My house was a pure “zj-awpa” house, but my cousin was purely a “paw-pa” family and whenever we got together, I always used the wrong word for ass. I loved … Continue reading “I Curse – Proudly” Club
The other day, my 8th grader got into the car after school, chipper as always. We started the usual pleasantries: how was school, what did you eat for lunch, any tests coming up? We carry on for about 5 minutes until he says, “Someone at school tried to kill himself today.” I didn’t say anything at first because my immediate instinct was he was kidding. … Continue reading “When Suicide Hits Too Close to Home” Club
In the 80s, our “Where were you when” moment was the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. The explosion occurred 73 seconds after liftoff, and I watched it happen on live TV along with so many other Americans. It really sucks when a source of national pride becomes a national tragedy. The accident was the result of rapid deceleration and not combustion of fuel. … Continue reading “I Watched the Challenger Blow Up” Club
For better or for worse, I’ve embraced my Eastern European gift of hairiness. In fact, my relationship and consequent confrontation with hair on varying terrains across my body has definitely earned me gold membership into this special club. It’s a love hate relationship really. I love that my healthy hair grows fast and thick, but obviously the problem is said hair does not remain on … Continue reading “I’m a Medium-Degree Hairy Woman” Club
No one chooses to enter this annihilating club, but somehow we’re all shoved in unwillingly into this abysmal group which is bursting at the seams. Cancer doesn’t discriminate; it’s just as likely to strike Steve Jobs as ordinary Steve at your job. I’ve had my chance to rage against the disease. Both my grandparents had cancer. My aunt is currently battling ovarian cancer. I have … Continue reading “My Friend Has Cancer” Club
“Sglazeet” is what the Russians call “giving the evil eye.” I totally believe in this, but it’s technically hocus pocus witchery; like ghosts. My husband tells me that it’s up to me whether I give anyone the power to jinx or cast this evil spell. Apparently, I do. If I could, I would spray a magic shield of protection around myself before I ever left … Continue reading “I’m Afraid of the Evil Eye” Club
Every mother has mommyisms. These phrases are typically derived from life experiences and hand-me-downs from their own mothers. Here are some Soviet-inspired nuggets I got from my mom: You can never be too rich or too thin. Only prostitutes wear anklets. If you have a gap between your legs, you’re a whore. If you’re a pretty secretary, then you’re a “secretutka” (a word formed by … Continue reading “I’m More Like My Mother Than I Thought” Club
Steve Harvey recently said that everyone is given a gift and to really succeed in life, you have to jump.” It was an inspirational 6-minute pep talk, but it left me thinking, “What is MY gift?” I really need to figure this out at 41 so I can jump already. My husband says I have many gifts, and unfortunately therein lies part of the problem. … Continue reading “I Have Career ADD” Club
Choosing Me feels selfish. It causes intense guilt that never really goes away. Mothers are supposed to be martyrs, not egotistical. But Choosing Me has always moved my life forward. While it wasn’t always the easiest choice, ultimately Choosing Me equaled choosing happiness. When I was 15 and I used sun-in in my hair because my mother didn’t let me color it, I chose me. … Continue reading “I Chose Me” Club
Aka “I Started a Writing Project to Quell My Anxiety and Now I’m More Stressed than Ever” Club There’s an entire to-do list brainstorm session before I even open my eyes — and suddenly I think, “Do I feel nauseous?” I’m feeling something rising up through my core – and it’s making me feel uncomfortable, but am I actually nauseous? Were you meaning to kick … Continue reading “I Get Panic Attacks” Club
My sister was always presented as a gift that was created just for me – and not because I needed a bone marrow transplant or anything. I was just a typical six-year-old, newly immigrated to Queens from Russia, and I was lonely. I was also supposedly incredibly cerebral and persuasive (go figure), because while other girls convinced their parents to buy them a Barbie Dream … Continue reading “My Sister was a Gift to Me” Club
You’ll never know who had diarrhea in the litter box. You never know who shat out a red string. Or a gold thread. Or a rubber band (or two). You don’t know who left the surprise pile of puke in the kitchen. Or the hallway. Or in the precise place you step when you get out of bed in the morning You’re not sure who … Continue reading 5 Problems Only People with Multiple Cats Will Understand
At a certain point in my early 30s – shortly after I had gotten divorced and came out from the self-absorbed haze of “why me” – I had a turning point when instead of saying “Why me?” I started saying, “what is the lesson here?” I witnessed a taxi accident a few years ago, walking down the streets of Third Avenue in New York. With … Continue reading My Lesson from the Newtown Tragedy
My son turns 10 years old today, and while he celebrates turning double digits, the celebration is essentially all mine. Growing up, on my birthday, all my parents’ friends used to call and “Congratulate” them on my birthday. I thought it was a stupid Russian thing; “It’s MY birthday – they get their own day.” But after I made it through the first year of … Continue reading A Decade of Motherhood
I haven’t blogged in over a year. I just got annoyed at the whole internet, at social networking, at sharing my life with anyone. I just got disinterested. I wanted my life to myself; a private celebrity if only in my own mind, wearing a baseball hat and sunglasses and avoiding the media. I hated my blog; every single thing about it. I was in … Continue reading A One Year Hiatus … But Who Even Missed Me? Maybe Just Me …
Will someone please nominate me for What Not to Wear? I have been in a major style rut for the last 18 months. When I first lost my job, with it also went the obligation to “dress up.” (But truthfully I wasn’t so upset about that.) Then I got pregnant – and for the nine months I spent hovering over or around a toilet, I … Continue reading I’m in a [I don’t work a corporate job] Style Slump
After my cousin had twins 4 months to the day after I had my baby girl, we were comparing gifts. Kind of like, “How many baby blankets? What’s the most hideous outfit?” Finally I ask, “How many baby books did you get?” She says, “What do you mean “baby books?” You mean How to Expect: The First Years?” No, I clarify, “Like a book for … Continue reading Do You Baby Book?
Last week I decided it was finally time to color my hair. It had been months that the tufts of gray on my temples were bothering me. With the baby, I was always putting my hair up in a ponytail and the clown-like, white bunches weren’t funny anymore (no, they never really were). Most people said they didn’t notice the gray – until I pointed … Continue reading Dying My Hair
It’s been a full week since I’ve completed the NaBloPoMo challenge. I did it for the whole 28 days, just like I did two years ago. There were things I liked about the challenge – and obviously things that annoyed me. Most of what annoyed me was that I found myself sitting at the laptop around 9:30pm every evening saying, “Shit, I have to blog” … Continue reading 28 Days of Writing Followed By a Week of Nothing
Even though we sometimes sneer at other people’s Facebook status when they sound like romantic, corny saps – we both posted something in today’s status. I think it says it all – even if we did say it to each other in witness of hundreds of people, most of whom only exist as “friends” on the virtual ‘book. This holiday, as special as it is, … Continue reading Six Years Ago Today
Tomorrow will be six years since the day I met my love. We’ve spoken about it for the last few weeks – “can you believe it’s six years since the day that changed our lives forever?” We wanted to go to a nice dinner; my sister is babysitting – but none of the restaurants that made the “best of” lists seemed to get either of … Continue reading Six Years Ago Tomorrow
Sometimes I sit down to write when I have a few minutes in between the running here or there. Many times I think I’m going to have enough time to write something comprehensive, but often times I have a paragraph or two written in a Word document – and keep it open for days. More times than not, I forget where I was going with … Continue reading Love is Life
It took me years to be proud of being Russian. (Growing up in American during the Cold War will do that to a girl.) I came to this country over 30 years ago when I was just shy of 5 years old. I remember very little from the “old country,” but few things still give me a great sense of nostalgia. As I’ve grown older … Continue reading I Heart Cheburashka
We met some nice Russian folks today at a cousin’s birthday party (living the Year of the Family) and one of them told me a funny joke. (I modified it slightly.) Here goes: A man walks into a drug store with his adolescent son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those … Continue reading Condom Joke
On this first spring-like day in 2011, we meandered through my favorite place in NYC: Central Park. It was 67 degrees and all the leftover blizzard snow created muddy pathways, but it was gorgeous. Couples lingered on benches eating lunch; runners circled the reservoir, and we strolled our 8-month-old under the still-bare trees. After a few hours, we made our way downtown and decided to … Continue reading Central Park, Carnegie Deli, Times Square
The preview of spring today and tomorrow is well appreciated; sunshine is much needed since I don’t believe in taking Vitamin D supplements. Today I didn’t get to enjoy it as much as I would have liked – since I had Part Two of the dentist. I’ve decided that I really dislike the receptionist at the dentist’s office – enough so that I may never … Continue reading The Dentist: Part 2
I can’t believe I’ve become a dentist hater. I used to love my childhood dentist, Ira. (We were on a first name basis.) He filled my first cavities in America – all with the help of the snoopy nose, a.k.a. gas. Of course I liked the dentist – he got me high from the time I was 8 years old. He would engage me in … Continue reading The Broken Tooth
Today was one of those days when I was extra tired. My feet felt heavier, my arms hung lower and my eyelids downright drooped. Luckily the sunshine made the driving to and from Riverdale easier. We went to bed extraordinarily late last night. We pretended that we didn’t have a baby that will wake us at 6:00am and we pretended that I wouldn’t have to … Continue reading Today Was One of Those Days
Many of people hate Valentine’s Day – and I’m sure there are plenty of reasons. Here are some you may have heard: “It’s a Hallmark-created holiday to fuel the economy.” “I don’t need a holiday to tell my honey how much I love him. I love him every day.” “It’s a holiday to make us single people feel bad.” “It’s too much pressure and it … Continue reading For all the Valentine’s Day Haters
In August 2008 on our way home from our first trip to Maine, we stopped in Newport, Rhode Island. While stopping at a beach along the Cliff Walk, we ran into a woman looking for heart-shaped rocks along the predominantly-pebbled beach. It seemed like the perfect idea for someone who authors a blog called Hearts Everywhere. Thus the hobby was born. I’ve been collecting them … Continue reading Heart Rocks
I went backwards in life with my money making. Now that I’m in my 30’s, I live very much hand-to-mouth, relying on the man in my life for much financial support. This was not so in my 20’s, when I was making a steady paycheck and spending whatever I wanted on almost anything I wanted (within reason, of course). I don’t buy for myself now … Continue reading Having Faith in Life
From Hearts Everywhere I was on my way home from a doctor’s appointment, headed Downtown on the express green train. I was seatless, clenching to the disgusting oily pole, my purple nails blatantly at the eye level of the two women squished in the bench below me. I tried to focus on my book, but the conversation of the two women was too loud. “Can … Continue reading Making Friends on the Subway
HeartsEverywhere 