Growing up my mother would get haircuts sporadically. She’d be sporting a curly-haired bob and when the bangs grew to an annoying length, she’d give into a mall haircut. Occasionally she returned with what my sister and I, as kids, called “a boy haircut.” “Why did you have to go so extreme?” my sister and I would ask. “I figured if I’m paying for them … Continue reading “Restoration not Renovation” Club
I’ve made plans for as long as I can remember and for about just as long, I’ve learned to spew John Lennon’s “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” quote. Or else there’s Woody Allen’s “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” I’ve learned even the best-laid plans get screwed up. The more you diligently … Continue reading “I’m a Planner” Club
I like to make my cats purr. Of course, I enjoying giving them pleasure but today as I had my morning petting session with one of my fur babies, I realized I’m doing this absolutely selfishly. I want the purr. I want to experience the soft vibrations and listen to the familiar comforting humm, which instantly works as a metronome for my relaxation. My breathing … Continue reading “I Love Making My Cats Purr” Club
The amount of anger I feel when I wake up to a messy house is unreasonable. I’m not in any physical pain, yet within minutes my insides are scorching. My soul is on fire; the rage radiates directly from my heart – I swear I feel it – and extends like an asterisk to the tips of my fingers and my toes. Call this OCD … Continue reading “My Messy House is Getting to Me” Club
I haven’t had a day off from writing (for my 365 project) for 280 days. In one way it’s very admirable. Yay me! On the other hand, there are 2.2 million farmers in our country and I’m relatively certain they haven’t had a day off in years (so we can eat rather than my daily verbal useless musings). This morning, for no apparent reason other than … Continue reading “I’m Ready for a Day Off” Club
My 14-year-old son laughs if I ever open up Facebook. “No one uses Facebook anymore.” The unspoken underlying statement is “young people don’t use Facebook.” I started thinking about why. I use Facebook mostly as a means to reconnect with people from my past. People I went to college and high school with and fellow colleagues I collected from a decade of corporate jobs and … Continue reading “Facebook as a Link to My Youth” Club
My husband’s first girlfriend stalked my LinkedIn profile. I know this because technological breadcrumbs revealed her messy trail. LinkedIn sends me periodic messages showing me everyone who’s checking out my page and when I looked down at the recent dirty dozen, a name caught my eye. I approached my husband, pointed to her pictures and said, “Is this YOUR Carrie?” He squinted at the small … Continue reading “My Husband’s First Girlfriend Stalked Me” Club
My hypochondria is a tick, like Tourette’s episode. My conscious mind knows I’m probably overreacting to a sensation, but by this point, I’ve become hyper-aware and the army of fight or flight soldiers in my brain have been summoned and they can’t be recalled. It’s like an infection my brain creates and my body responds by sending the battalions of white blood cells. I ignite … Continue reading “My Hypochondria is a Tick” Club
Having two children at two different schools in two different states means I’m doing a lot of driving. Living next to the busiest bridge in the country, my many hours in the car is often accompanied by intense traffic and angry, frustrated drivers. I use my horn often, but not to be a bully, just to communicate. Often, though I’m misunderstood and occasionally even pursued … Continue reading “I Use My Horn” Club
I spent all day painting (it was actually priming) my 1,500 square foot apartment. I have souvenir calluses on three fingers on one hand and my hands feel arthritic as if they’ve engaged in extensive bicep and forearm calisthenics. Tomorrow I have to do it again, this time, two coats of Benjamin Moore “Smoky Embers” will glaze the walls which were damaged in the flood … Continue reading “Keep On Keeping On” Club
I don’t care how you breastfeed your baby or don’t breastfeed your baby, yet our whole country has been engaged in a dialog about if it’s OK to see photographs of women fulfilling biology’s mission. This is as mundane and obvious to me as people breathing; perhaps we should start showing pictures of humans inhaling and exhaling. In other countries around the world, how we … Continue reading “Who Cares How She Feeds Her Baby” Club
One of the first American phrases my barely English speaking grandmother taught me when I was five years old, a new immigrant from the Soviet Union, was, “In America, you get what you pay for.” I’ve seen this come true many times in my three and a half decades in this country, from the smallest purchases to luxurious ones. I love pens; my sister knows … Continue reading “I Love Pens” Club
Before TripAdvisor and Yelp, before cell phones and before 9/11, I had Let’s Go Europe, an oversized bright yellow softcover book which served as our travel bible. In the summer of 1998, my boyfriend at the time and I backpacked through Europe. Completely contradictory to my naturally controlling and over-planning ways, we made a rough plan on which countries we planned on visiting, but no hotel … Continue reading “I Backpacked Through Europe Before the Internet” Club
My first concert was a rockin’ double feature of Chicago and The Beach Boys, which was completely contrary to my peers who were having New Kids on the Block, Back Street Boys or NSYNC as their inaugural concert experience. My musical taste has always been aligned with a middle-aged man. I blame the six years of adolescence I spent working at my family donut shop with the radio station … Continue reading “Navigating the Personalities of a Rock Concert” Club
My husband and I recently got into a funny conversation the other day which keeps rearing its strange and perverted head. This discussion evolved from trying to decipher if sexual idiosyncrasies and preferences among men (or women) come instinctively or are learned from social cues, media or watching porn. For instance, where did men learn ejaculating all over a woman’s face is titillating and something … Continue reading “Pondulating the Origins of Sex” Club
I was impressed early on with my young son’s insatiable curiosity for facts. He was interested in learning about anything anyone would tell him: magnets, fishing, guitars, but he never cared much about hearing about people’s lives, which is a complete disparity to me, who is fascinated by humanity and its drama. When this school year began, I asked my newly freshman son about some … Continue reading “I Love Facts” Club
Klonopin is a brand name of the drug, Clonazepam, used to treat seizures, panic disorder, and anxiety. It is a controlled substance and can cause paranoid or suicidal thoughts and impair memory, judgment, and coordination. Combining this pharmaceutical with other substances, particularly alcohol, can slow breathing and possibly lead to death. Therapists and my primary care physician have prescribed this for me to ease panic … Continue reading “I Have a Prescription for Klonopin” Club
As a parent, I instinctually want to give my children more than I had, whether it comes from instinct or from some unnecessary societal “keeping up with the Jones” pressure. I’ve certainly fit into this model seamlessly; by the time my son was five years old, I’d ushered him through baseball lessons, guitar lessons and swimming lessons. When sports wasn’t his thing, but Legos were, we drove … Continue reading “Living Vicariously Through My Children” Club
“Where are you? I heard there was an explosion on 23rd and 7th and you told me you were headed to Chelsea. I’m not sure where you were going. I’m very worried. Please call me.” My mother left the message at 9pm; I called her back 20 minutes later. “Thank God you’re fine. I was frantic until I heard from you,” her breathing had slowed … Continue reading “Escaping Explosions” Club
Throughout my life, I’ve found myself stepping into a therapist or doctor role to my friends and family. I’ve always asked lots of questions and am genuinely interested in people’s lives and experiences. Lucky for me, people inherently want to talk about themselves. I am open about my private life so historically others feel comfortable confiding in me. As a child, adults never censored themselves … Continue reading “Unofficial Love Therapist” Club
I knew I’d finally “made it” as an Internet writer when I encountered my first barrage of negative comments in response to one of my articles. When I became a Featured Writer on the SheKnows Network, they welcomed me with an email warning me how extra exposure is often accompanied by negative comments, and while they do their best to filter the awful ones, sometimes … Continue reading “My Writing Got Nasty Comments” Club
I saw Hamilton: An American Musical on Saturday and it was everything I dreamed it would be and more. My family’s obsession with the musical has spanned the entirety of 2016; we’ve listened to little else besides the soundtrack for the last 256 days (exactly as many days as I am deep into my 365-writing project). This grand opus by Lin-Manuel Miranda is a … Continue reading “I Saw Hamilton” Club
I sent an email to an old acquaintance today and began it with the phrase, “I don’t know if you remember me but…” The rest of the email was irrelevant because that sentence plagued me for the rest of the day. I was frustrated at myself for beginning a correspondence in such an insecure way. I imagined every social behavior coach would shake their heads … Continue reading “Am I Memorable?” Club
Before 9/11, there was just a date on the calendar between the 10th and the 12th which never made me shutter. There was 9-1-1, but not 9/11. It’s like B.C. and A.D. There was life before and life afterward and in the middle, for a day, my city stood still, I held my breath and my heart beat double the speed. I didn’t know when … Continue reading “I Lived Through 9/11” Club
I only ever once had a butt dial disaster, because that’s as many times as it takes to teach you the ultimate lesson. Post butt dial disaster, I am perpetually paranoid my phone stays locked. The butt dial story was epic with eternal consequences. My mother-in-law was in town for my daughter’s second birthday party. Since our daughter’s birth, there had been a lot pent … Continue reading “Butt Dialed” Club
When my apartment got flooded a few weeks ago on an early Tuesday morning, a group of workers showed up from a cleaning and restoration company. I hadn’t even known of this kind of company existed since this was my first foray into the “Flooded Club.” My reaction to the flood was denial (“this isn’t so bad”), delusion (“I can blot this with paper towels … Continue reading When the Workers Hit on Me” Club”
When the first “Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook” came out, my husband and I noted them in a bookstore and I joked how I’m thankful I’m not one of those people; they are awful! My husband chuckled and promptly wiped the rose off of my glasses, faced me into a mirror and said, “You are the epitome of a worst case scenario person.” Gasp. Who me? … Continue reading “Worst-Case Scenario” Club
The French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne, born in 1533, was an intellectual who spent his writing life knocking the arrogance of intellectuals. In his great masterpiece, the Essays, he comes across as relentlessly wise and intelligent – and funny. Most poignantly he said, “Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies.” (Incidentally, we need a modern day moderate feminist to write a similar line about … Continue reading “I Don’t Poop in Public Bathrooms” Club
I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t in a hurry. I thought the constant hustle came from living in New York City, but I think it comes from within – and from my parents. My father drove fast and hated bad (READ: slow) drivers. We always had to “hurry up” to get to wherever it was we were going to make sure to avoid … Continue reading “I’m Always in a Hurry” Club
One of the concepts (and there are MANY) from My Big Fat Greek Wedding which I relate to is the father’s obsession with the ubiquitous usage of Windex as a one size fits all medical solution. My Russian father similarly resorted to his go-to resolution to remedy many health ailments: RUBBING ALCOHOL. If I got a bite, a scratch, a rash, a pimple, the solution … Continue reading “One Size Fits All Medical Solutions” Club
I watched Everything is Copy, the documentary about Nora Ephron’s life and I can spend days quoting her charm and wit, but a line in the movie has stuck with me: “Eat your last meal when you’re alive.” She means it’s rare to know you’re eating your last meal. In jail, being executed is one of the few ways you can know it’s your last … Continue reading “Filling Up My Days with Joy” Club
I’m of the “life-changing magic of tidying up” religion and fully believe “clutter in your house is clutter in your life.” I like minimalism; I want to know where everything is at a glance. Mess and disorganization disturb me and disrupt my brain. Before my apartment got flooded last week and before I had any plans of engaging in a surprise kitchen renovation, my end-of-summer … Continue reading “I Organized my Drawers” Club
“Don’t look at someone else’s plate” is either a known Russian saying or else it’s particular to my mother. Usually, she said this during dinner when I made inappropriate commentary about how someone eats something. My six-year-old daughter learned a similar phrase in preschool: “don’t yuck my yum.” The phrase goes beyond saying “ick” as someone eats a three-meat sandwich; it’s staring into someone else’s … Continue reading “Don’t Look at Someone Else’s Plate” Club
I’m not a social media over-poster. In fact, after a two week trip to Hawaii, I only posted 69 of my 2,000+ photos to Facebook or Instagram. It’s not the photos I’m over-sharing; it’s my words. On Tuesday I woke up to a small flood in my apartment and on Tuesday night I wrote my blog post about it. On Wednesday I went to traffic … Continue reading “I Over-Share” Club
I got a ticket a few months ago because I didn’t have my updated insurance card in my car; it had expired two days prior and I forgot to include the new one in the glove compartment. The cop who gave me the ticket assured me all I would have to do is go in and show him the updated card. When I received a … Continue reading “I Went to Traffic Court” Club
My default vanilla was established in a subterranean ice cream shop in the former Soviet Union, where my parents took me after I had my ears pierced. I was three years old and while I don’t recall the actual needle stabbing in my ear, the intense sweet vanilla lodged itself as the standard by which all future vanillas will have to measure against. Maybe in … Continue reading “Flavors Trigger Memories” Club
“I would never be able to do that,” she says to me and shakes her head insistently. “There is no way I would give up my child for half the week. I cannot live without her. I would rather exist in my sexless, loveless marriage fueled by anger and resentment than give up my child. What kind of mother does that?!” “Well, me, actually,” I … Continue reading “Co-Parenting” Club
I didn’t grow up watching cartoons, even though I came to America at the prime cartoon watching age of five. In the Soviet Union I had watched Cheburashka (according to my parents) and even though I can still hum along to the theme song as intuitively as to a lifelong lullaby, I don’t have a sense of nostalgia towards the animated show. In America, Tom … Continue reading “I Don’t Like Cartoons” Club
I don’t like poetry. Strike that; I didn’t like poetry. My tastes have evolved (or matured) and similarly to how I can now tolerate spicier kimchee, I can now appreciate poetry without zoning out, rolling my eyes, and declaring it pretentious [READ: me, insecure]. The first poetry I learned was formulaic, haikus and such, taught in grade school. The writing process for a poem felt … Continue reading “I Didn’t Like Poetry” Club
I’ve never thought of myself as a trailblazer for anything (see Late Bloomer Club) but lately my small group of friends has me feeling like a pseudo-expert on divorce and co-parenting. With four friends in various stages of marriage collapse, I find myself serving as a circumstantial beacon of inspiration; an unelected trendsetter in marriage disillusionment. I was married in 2001 and separated in April … Continue reading “I’m a Divorce Inspiration” Club
My favorite way to eat eggs is sunny side up. I take pride in frying them into two impeccable gold domes, the whites congealed perfectly beyond the mucous texture. When I dunk dry toast into warm yolk, a satisfaction spills over me; this is my comfort food. I have been making myself eggs this way for thirty years, and every single time I crack a … Continue reading “I Caught My Father in an Affair” Club
Can you please take out the trash? Can you please empty the dishwasher? Easy requests for most; not so for me. I have always had a hard time asking for things, having grown up being self-sufficient and self-reliant. Both my parents proudly claimed they “never had to ask for anything for anyone,” and I have mimicked their behaviors. Only life has often pounded me over … Continue reading “Learning to Ask” Club
It’s my birthday and I’m another year older and like every year before this one, I woke up exactly the same. It’s a sensation which didn’t change with age; the feeling of waking up on your birthday to absolutely nothing extraordinary. As a child I was convinced if I concentrated hard enough, I’d feel something; taller or heavier or smarter or wiser, but year after … Continue reading “It’s My Birthday” Club
I count often during the day. I count steps whether I’m going up or down, I count how many steps it takes to get to the laundry room, and while I sit on the toilet, I count how many tiles line the bathroom floor. I don’t remember the numbers; they’re irrelevant, I’m not measuring or keeping track. I have a constantly-multitasking abacus mind. It must … Continue reading “I Count Everything” Club
The Ikea catalog came in the mail today and there’s not another catalog which elicits such a thrill. (Perhaps children feel this way about the Toys R Us holiday catalog.) I sit on the couch, my legs folded underneath me, with a stack of post-its and my coveted furniture catalog. I flip slowly and deliberately, giving each page elevator eyes, and studying the meticulously designed … Continue reading “I Love Ikea” Club
I laid out my produce across my kitchen table and it looked like I spilled my basket from the farmer’s market. Everything was raw and rough. Sweet potatoes still dusty under their coarse orange skin, red onions with their crunchy shedding outer layer, multicolored carrots whose color will pop once peel them. The broccoli sat in a bunch wrapped by a tight rubber band, heads … Continue reading “Cooking with Love” Club
My husband has always been happy to stay at a Motel 8. He wasn’t particular about which hotel I picked as long as it was affordable and didn’t have bed bugs. I, on the other hand, while not exactly a Prima Donna, confess to being a touch of the Princess and the Pea. (Or more like the Russian Girl and a Breadcrumb.) I like to … Continue reading “My Husband and I Like to Travel Differently” Club
I don’t stare at the clouds; I never have. I never bothered to remember the names for the different types of clouds just like I never cared about the scientific names of the stages of the moon. I remember as a child being told to look at the clouds and watch the shapes come alive. I would have done better with a “Where’s Waldo” in … Continue reading “I Don’t Stare at the Clouds” Club
Growing up the only road trip my immediate family of four ever went on was to Orlando Florida, from Queens New York. My grandparents had given my parents money to take a vacation to Disney World for my 10th birthday and their 11 year wedding anniversary. My parents loaded up our silver Cutlass Supreme and created a pseudo-bed in the backseat by filling the area … Continue reading “Taking Road Trips with the Kids” Club
I’ve notoriously been a late bloomer to many things in life; I’m hoping “writing success” becomes another item on the “Late Bloomer list” and one day my kids will read this list as encouragement. I have a goal of making it onto one of those lists of people who weren’t successful until their 40s, like Stan Lee and Vera Wang and Julia Child and Henry Ford, … Continue reading “Late Bloomer” Club
HeartsEverywhere 