“Bring Your Wife to Work” Club

There are several days a year when I ask my husband to play “Bring your wife to work day.” Some days I do it out of convenience and other days I do it because I need a reminder about what matters most. On these days, I go to work with him as a hospital clown, where I will suspend reality for an hour and jump … Continue reading “Bring Your Wife to Work” Club

“What Do We Tell the Children?” Club

This morning’s Election Day Hangover rhetoric included the omnipresent, “What do we tell the children?” My daughter woke up 6 AM, walked into my room, tapped me on the shoulder and said: “Who won?” “Trump,” I said. She grabbed her hand on top of her head and said “Oy vey! Now, what?” “Don’t worry love, we will be OK,” I said. She stood there quietly, … Continue reading “What Do We Tell the Children?” Club

“I Voted” Club

I knew this would be a day to which I’d reflect in a “where were you when…” kind of way. As I walked down the crunchy brown leaf-lined street on this quintessential fall election day, it was unseasonably warm, and the sun cranked up the saturation on the remaining autumnal leaves. Either way, today would be emotional, historic, and memorable. My 14-year-old son asked if … Continue reading “I Voted” Club

“Wasn’t It Just Yesterday?” Club

I feel too young to hear myself say it, but as I drove to pick my son up from play rehearsal at 7:30pm (gasp!) from HIGH SCHOOL (double gasp!) I inhaled deeply as I pulled off the exit and exhaled loudly, as my mind, obviously plagued by too many Hallmark cards, commercials, and TV movies, thought, “Wasn’t it just yesterday that my father was picking … Continue reading “Wasn’t It Just Yesterday?” Club

“I Locked Myself In” Club

Today I locked myself in my master bedroom for an hour. I did this about fifteen minutes after going on a tirade to my husband on the phone, touting how well we’d be equipped if there should be an Armageddon or Apocalypse (I get those two confused). I brought up our friends as a contrary example; they eat out every single meal and need to … Continue reading “I Locked Myself In” Club

“I Can Never Be Satisfied” Club

I can blame PMS or I can simply take accountability for being a mega-bitch who is never satisfied with anything. The song Satisfied from Hamilton: The Musical could be written about me (without the Alexander Hamilton part). I researched and made decisions about things I never thought about (toilets, tiles, grout) and I measured everything which needed to be measured. The deliveries happened and for these … Continue reading “I Can Never Be Satisfied” Club

“I Know My Crossing Guards” Club

I pass a series of crossing guards on my way to pick up my daughter from school, each one as unique as a Crayola color. The first one up is a short, bald Russian man, about 75 years old with a thick accent. He shakes his head in disdain at anyone who will serve as a forced audience. He complains about teenagers not stopping for … Continue reading “I Know My Crossing Guards” Club

“I Watched the World Series” Club

I hadn’t planned on watching the World Series because I’m not much of a sports fan, especially for non-local teams. When it was the New York Mets versus the Kansas City Royals (my husband’s home team) we participated in the spectatorship of the pop cultural phenomenon. Growing up, we didn’t watch sports on TV and didn’t really root for any teams. My father only liked … Continue reading “I Watched the World Series” Club

“Unpacking” Club

Today I unpacked 15 large heavy boxes of kitchen stuff. I carried each box the roughly 100 feet from my son’s room to my kitchen and began slicing one box after the other reuniting with the belongings which have been packed away for the last two months. It roughly resembles the feeling of moving into a new house, only it’s the same house with a … Continue reading “Unpacking” Club

“I’m in a Renovation Style Slump” Club

Over the last two months, I’ve declined from having no fashion sense to an all-time low: renovation style. This means I’ve rotated between three different pairs of paint-stained leggings with coordinating paint-smeared camisoles and one of two gray sweatshirts, which look almost identical. There have been about five various social functions of different degrees of formalness, from large family dinners to children’s birthday parties to … Continue reading “I’m in a Renovation Style Slump” Club

“I Celebrated Halloween” Club

The first memory I have of dressing up is in second grade when my mother attempted to transform me into a gypsy by layering me in multiple scarves, an oversized skirt, and a multicolored blouse. She added several fake gold necklaces and too many coats of dark black mascara and red lipstick. “What am I?” I remember asking her and she told me a gypsy, which … Continue reading “I Celebrated Halloween” Club

“I Went to Ikea on a Saturday Night” Club

People in a life transition, buying transitional (nonpermanent) furniture. It doesn’t last forever because you don’t want it to. You go to Ikea when you need your first apartment after college furniture, or when you’re moving in with your boyfriend before you get married – or when you first get married and need to supplement the pieces you two had together, or most of all, … Continue reading “I Went to Ikea on a Saturday Night” Club

“Scared of Dying” Club

My aunt who is dying of ovarian cancer chose to enter hospice today after her third trip to the emergency room in the last two weeks. The hospital sent her home in an ambulance saying there was nothing more they can do. Today my father met her in her apartment in Brooklyn to move around her furniture to get it ready for the hospital bed, … Continue reading “Scared of Dying” Club

“Soundtrack of My Memories” Club

Today I had to borrow my dad’s car to pick my daughter up from school. The radio was set to 104.3, Classic Rock and when a commercial came on, I clicked his presets, and just as I predicted, they were exactly like mine would be (if I wasn’t sharing my presets with my husband), verifying what I already suspected: I have the musical taste of … Continue reading “Soundtrack of My Memories” Club

“I Hung a Microwave with My Dad” Club

I didn’t even want a microwave but it was cheaper than getting a vent hood and is convenient for a quick defrost or boil. I knew it would be mounted above the range, under the cabinet above it. I knew we had an electrical outlet in the wall right where it would go. The truth is I thought it would be so simple I didn’t … Continue reading “I Hung a Microwave with My Dad” Club

“I Don’t Nap” Club

My mother says when I was a child, she would give me a pacifier and I knew it was time to go to sleep or take a nap, but I never remember napping. I only remember praying daily that my children would nap because those precious hours were my gifted time. As an adult, I don’t nap and don’t enjoy it. Nap-lover memes or quotes … Continue reading “I Don’t Nap” Club

“I Used to Take the Subway” Club

Riding the subway was an ordinary, tongue-and-groove part of my life in New York City. I took the train to all ends of the five boroughs and usually it was the most effective, economical, fastest form of transportation. I didn’t doubt my safety or fear potential biological terrorism or crashes. I also haven’t taken the subway for five years, since I moved just across the … Continue reading “I Used to Take the Subway” Club

“I Miss My Sister” Club

I was convinced I wrote about this club dozens of times; so much so that I didn’t believe the search function on my own blog. I miss my sister every single day, thinking about her many times a day, what she could be doing right now – or how she would handle any situation I might be in. I think of her especially as my … Continue reading “I Miss My Sister” Club

“Death is a Sure Thing” Club

“It’s just her turn,” I say. Trying to justify the unjustifiable. Trying to shove words where none fit. “Is that a consolation prize?” My father says, who is going to see his dying sister, to review paperwork while she still has her mind. “No,” I say and my brain enters the foot-in-the-mouth, but I’ll-try-to-peddle-out of-it-by-more-talking program. “Life is the consolation prize; death is the sure … Continue reading “Death is a Sure Thing” Club

“Getting Rid of the Cow” Club

For the last two months, I’ve lived in a state of flux known as renovation/restoration from the flood. Anyone who reads my posts regularly must be rolling their eyes because just when there couldn’t be more life lessons to garner from a renovation, I find more. I find reasons for things where they might not be apparent. I often also find words where none need … Continue reading “Getting Rid of the Cow” Club

“I Look for the Reason for Things” Club

I am always looking for the reason why things happen [to me]. Occasionally this makes me feel better when things seem to happen beyond my control. If I can’t explain it, my default is to believe things happen “for the story; another chapter in my life.” Ultimately, though, the most mysterious things are the ones for which I can never find explanations, like why the … Continue reading “I Look for the Reason for Things” Club

“My Aunt is Dying” Club

My aunt is dying. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer five years ago and has done countless rounds of chemo, has gone into remission once, and no matter what, cancer comes back fiercer each time. My father brought his weak, frail sister to the emergency room for the second time in two weeks. She’s in terrible pain and all blocked up; nauseated and … Continue reading “My Aunt is Dying” Club

“I Watched the Third Debate” Club

When I worked in the corporate world, we had lots of meetings; I developed a habit of “meeting poetry” to pass the time. Here’s my version of the debate: You wait as if you’re watching live theater – but the actors are a bit drunk and have all slept with each other. I know Donald Trump’s little idiosyncrasies will turn into Saturday Night Live sketch … Continue reading “I Watched the Third Debate” Club

“Restoration not Renovation” Club

Growing up my mother would get haircuts sporadically. She’d be sporting a curly-haired bob and when the bangs grew to an annoying length, she’d give into a mall haircut. Occasionally she returned with what my sister and I, as kids, called “a boy haircut.” “Why did you have to go so extreme?” my sister and I would ask. “I figured if I’m paying for them … Continue reading “Restoration not Renovation” Club

“Strong Work Ethic” Club

I totally get that renovations are a metaphor for life; I’ve written something to this effect five days in a row. I understand how surprises lurk behind every wall you open and around every corner; I’ve lived this already. Today’s gripe is about work ethic. When I’m hired to do a project, whether it was as an advertising executive or as a writer or as … Continue reading “Strong Work Ethic” Club

“No Lazy Day Sundays” Club

Scrolling through my social media feeds on Sunday night, I see a bunch of happy posts showing families apple picking in the midst of autumnal rainbow trees or else even better, people commenting, “I’m on my third cup of coffee and not moving from this couch.” I long for a day like this; when I have nothing to do. The clock in my mind ticks … Continue reading “No Lazy Day Sundays” Club

“Forever Daddy’s Girl” Club

My father helped me tile my bathroom walls today. (Correction: I helped my father tile my bathroom walls.) We worked in harmony, united on the task at hand and when he said, “Give me that thing over there,” I knew which thing he meant because I would anticipate his moves. I can’t recall the last time my dad and I had one-on-one time – hours … Continue reading “Forever Daddy’s Girl” Club

“Too Many Choices in a Renovation” Club

Before my involuntary renovation, I thought my obsession with hotels and restaurants before a vacation was bad. I don’t want to waste money so I do what I do best: research and plan and research and plan and when I’ve done that sufficiently enough, I double check my research and make another backup plan. For the past few months, I’ve been thrust into a renovation … Continue reading “Too Many Choices in a Renovation” Club

“I’m My Own Contractor” Club

“It’s going to get worse before it gets better,” my husband said when I surveyed our apartment last week once the renovations REALLY got underway. We have been living with paper on our floors for the last two months after the flood, waiting for insurance money and our floors to be delivered. They’re finally installing them next week. But first, we needed to rip out … Continue reading “I’m My Own Contractor” Club

“I’m a Planner” Club

I’ve made plans for as long as I can remember and for about just as long, I’ve learned to spew John Lennon’s “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” quote. Or else there’s Woody Allen’s “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” I’ve learned even the best-laid plans get screwed up. The more you diligently … Continue reading “I’m a Planner” Club

“Life in Retrograde” Club

I feel guilty complaining about everyday life annoyances, you know, non-fatal, real life snags, like a flood or getting fired. We all have these bad days, complicated days, cock-blocky days, when nothing goes smoothly, nothing seems easy. Not to insert sexism into it, it totally sucks when you have PMS on top of it. During this time, these all-too-common, irritating nuances just feel more INTENSE. I woke … Continue reading “Life in Retrograde” Club

“My Daughter is the Non-Immigrant at an Immigrant School” Club

Five months after I landed in New York City from the former Soviet Union, I had my first day at the public school across the streets from the projects in which we settled. It was an average school, (although I didn’t know the difference) and it was filled with kids just like me: fellow immigrants. We were Russian, Chinese, Korean, Indian; a quintessential New York … Continue reading “My Daughter is the Non-Immigrant at an Immigrant School” Club

“I Love Making My Cats Purr” Club

I like to make my cats purr. Of course, I enjoying giving them pleasure but today as I had my morning petting session with one of my fur babies, I realized I’m doing this absolutely selfishly. I want the purr. I want to experience the soft vibrations and listen to the familiar comforting humm, which instantly works as a metronome for my relaxation. My breathing … Continue reading “I Love Making My Cats Purr” Club

“My Messy House is Getting to Me” Club

The amount of anger I feel when I wake up to a messy house is unreasonable. I’m not in any physical pain, yet within minutes my insides are scorching. My soul is on fire; the rage radiates directly from my heart – I swear I feel it – and extends like an asterisk to the tips of my fingers and my toes. Call this OCD … Continue reading “My Messy House is Getting to Me” Club

“I’m Ready for a Day Off” Club

I haven’t had a day off from writing (for my 365 project) for 280 days. In one way it’s very admirable. Yay me! On the other hand, there are 2.2 million farmers in our country and I’m relatively certain they haven’t had a day off in years (so we can eat rather than my daily verbal useless musings). This morning, for no apparent reason other than … Continue reading “I’m Ready for a Day Off” Club

“My Husband is a [Professional] Clown” Club

As my husband left for work this morning, I jokingly said “clown lives matter,” not realizing it was already disgracefully trending on Twitter. My husband has reigned as one of the New York City’s favorite clowns for the last 20 years and yet the media has suddenly made the profession which historically has one of the longest life expectancies, into a threatened species overnight. I’m … Continue reading “My Husband is a [Professional] Clown” Club

“Facebook as a Link to My Youth” Club

My 14-year-old son laughs if I ever open up Facebook. “No one uses Facebook anymore.” The unspoken underlying statement is “young people don’t use Facebook.” I started thinking about why. I use Facebook mostly as a means to reconnect with people from my past. People I went to college and high school with and fellow colleagues I collected from a decade of corporate jobs and … Continue reading “Facebook as a Link to My Youth” Club

“I Have Morning Sickness PTSD” Club

I threw up every day for 9 months when I was pregnant with my daughter six years ago. The medical term for severe morning sickness is “hyperemesis-gravidarum” and until Princess Kate made it evening news, many people didn’t understand how incapacitating it is. For the first three months, I was bedridden and every morning felt like Groundhog’s Day meets The Hangover. Everyone marveled at my … Continue reading “I Have Morning Sickness PTSD” Club

“My Husband’s First Girlfriend Stalked Me” Club

My husband’s first girlfriend stalked my LinkedIn profile. I know this because technological breadcrumbs revealed her messy trail. LinkedIn sends me periodic messages showing me everyone who’s checking out my page and when I looked down at the recent dirty dozen, a name caught my eye. I approached my husband, pointed to her pictures and said, “Is this YOUR Carrie?” He squinted at the small … Continue reading “My Husband’s First Girlfriend Stalked Me” Club

“Children Used to Cost Thousands, Now They Cost Millions” Club

What happens when you have kids? They cost money; lots of it. Even if your basic baby start-ups are provided lovingly by gifts (at a shower or through hand me downs), the bills begin accruing fast. It starts innocently enough with diapers and formula (if you’re one of the evil parents who doesn’t breastfeed for the first three years). Pretty soon you have to stay on … Continue reading “Children Used to Cost Thousands, Now They Cost Millions” Club

“My Sister was a Gift to Me” Club

My sister was always presented as a gift that was created just for me – and not because I needed a bone marrow transplant or anything. I was just a typical six-year-old, newly immigrated to Queens from Russia, and I was lonely. I was also supposedly incredibly cerebral and persuasive (go figure), because while other girls convinced their parents to buy them a Barbie Dream … Continue reading “My Sister was a Gift to Me” Club

“I Lived in the Projects and Didn’t Know it” Club

“Oh I didn’t realize you grew up in the projects!” my husband says the first time I bring him to visit my grandmother, who has lived in this same housing complex for her 40 years in this country. Apparently “Cooperative Housing” is fancy for projects, but I have always thought it was a perfectly normal place to have my rudimentary years in this country. The … Continue reading “I Lived in the Projects and Didn’t Know it” Club