I’ve made plans for as long as I can remember and for about just as long, I’ve learned to spew John Lennon’s “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” quote. Or else there’s Woody Allen’s “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” I’ve learned even the best-laid plans get screwed up. The more you diligently … Continue reading “I’m a Planner” Club
I like to make my cats purr. Of course, I enjoying giving them pleasure but today as I had my morning petting session with one of my fur babies, I realized I’m doing this absolutely selfishly. I want the purr. I want to experience the soft vibrations and listen to the familiar comforting humm, which instantly works as a metronome for my relaxation. My breathing … Continue reading “I Love Making My Cats Purr” Club
The amount of anger I feel when I wake up to a messy house is unreasonable. I’m not in any physical pain, yet within minutes my insides are scorching. My soul is on fire; the rage radiates directly from my heart – I swear I feel it – and extends like an asterisk to the tips of my fingers and my toes. Call this OCD … Continue reading “My Messy House is Getting to Me” Club
As my husband left for work this morning, I jokingly said “clown lives matter,” not realizing it was already disgracefully trending on Twitter. My husband has reigned as one of the New York City’s favorite clowns for the last 20 years and yet the media has suddenly made the profession which historically has one of the longest life expectancies, into a threatened species overnight. I’m … Continue reading “My Husband is a [Professional] Clown” Club
What happens when you have kids? They cost money; lots of it. Even if your basic baby start-ups are provided lovingly by gifts (at a shower or through hand me downs), the bills begin accruing fast. It starts innocently enough with diapers and formula (if you’re one of the evil parents who doesn’t breastfeed for the first three years). Pretty soon you have to stay on … Continue reading “Children Used to Cost Thousands, Now They Cost Millions” Club
Six weeks ago my home was flooded by a broken refrigerator pipe two apartments above mine. Luckily our coop building requires a generous insurance policy so while we stepped on our hardwood floors to discover small squirting fountains, we tried to appease ourselves by reminding ourselves this is exactly why we have the insurance. From day one, the Type A in me kicked in, documenting … Continue reading “Dealing with Insurance Companies – Part 2” Club
I don’t care how you breastfeed your baby or don’t breastfeed your baby, yet our whole country has been engaged in a dialog about if it’s OK to see photographs of women fulfilling biology’s mission. This is as mundane and obvious to me as people breathing; perhaps we should start showing pictures of humans inhaling and exhaling. In other countries around the world, how we … Continue reading “Who Cares How She Feeds Her Baby” Club
My husband and I recently got into a funny conversation the other day which keeps rearing its strange and perverted head. This discussion evolved from trying to decipher if sexual idiosyncrasies and preferences among men (or women) come instinctively or are learned from social cues, media or watching porn. For instance, where did men learn ejaculating all over a woman’s face is titillating and something … Continue reading “Pondulating the Origins of Sex” Club
I was impressed early on with my young son’s insatiable curiosity for facts. He was interested in learning about anything anyone would tell him: magnets, fishing, guitars, but he never cared much about hearing about people’s lives, which is a complete disparity to me, who is fascinated by humanity and its drama. When this school year began, I asked my newly freshman son about some … Continue reading “I Love Facts” Club
As a parent, I instinctually want to give my children more than I had, whether it comes from instinct or from some unnecessary societal “keeping up with the Jones” pressure. I’ve certainly fit into this model seamlessly; by the time my son was five years old, I’d ushered him through baseball lessons, guitar lessons and swimming lessons. When sports wasn’t his thing, but Legos were, we drove … Continue reading “Living Vicariously Through My Children” Club
My started high school this year, continuing at the prestigious private school he’s attended since he was three. For his electives, he selected drama and stage crew, so all week he is engaged in the theater. He is also on cross-country track, which has practice from 3:30-6pm every day. When they announced the first performance of the year, with a corresponding rehearsal schedule conflicting with … Continue reading “My Son, the Actor” Club
“Where are you? I heard there was an explosion on 23rd and 7th and you told me you were headed to Chelsea. I’m not sure where you were going. I’m very worried. Please call me.” My mother left the message at 9pm; I called her back 20 minutes later. “Thank God you’re fine. I was frantic until I heard from you,” her breathing had slowed … Continue reading “Escaping Explosions” Club
I swore I’d never be one of those moms who over-scheduled her kids (as much for my sanity as for theirs) and I’ve honored this commitment until this year when it seems as the children get older, their activities multiply like dust. Without engaging in much, my week filled with cross country track, crew, and theater for the high schooler and musical theater, piano, and … Continue reading “Motherhood Revised My Resume” Club
Before 9/11, there was just a date on the calendar between the 10th and the 12th which never made me shutter. There was 9-1-1, but not 9/11. It’s like B.C. and A.D. There was life before and life afterward and in the middle, for a day, my city stood still, I held my breath and my heart beat double the speed. I didn’t know when … Continue reading “I Lived Through 9/11” Club
I apologize to the millions of couples with infertility issues who may inadvertently read this. This is not your club and though I would not want to join yours, I offer sincere empathy. This is about my perpetual pregnancy paranoia. I am blessed with textbook periods; arriving like clockwork every 28 days. I have two children and I knew the exact day both were conceived. However, … Continue reading “Paranoid of Pregnancy” Club
When we moved into our apartment five years ago, we did a hefty remodel. We ripped out and reinstalled 1,800 square feet of hardwood floor, moved around three walls, removed the popcorn (and asbestos) off our ceiling, and changed out 13 closet doors. The contractor we selected had two things going for him: he came as a referral from a trusty source and he gave … Continue reading “Dealing with Contractors” Club
With the joy of back-to-school, comes the dreaded burden of lunches. Early morning lunch assembly comes with a significant amount of loud sighing. We take our lunch making seriously in my household crafting well thought-out, immune-boosting, organic nutritional bundles of culinary love. We tried menu planning last year, it died down after a few months. Furthering the time commitment, we include a handmade little note … Continue reading “I Take Making School Lunches Seriously” Club
I recently wrote about how terrific successful co-parenting could be, but I wanted to bring a little light to many times it totally SUCKS: When you’re a controlling parent. When he’s a controlling parent. When the father wants to be the mother. When my son was still young and I couldn’t tuck him in at night half the week. When my son was still young … Continue reading “When Co-Parenting Sucks” Club
When I was getting divorced, no one told me, “Congratulations!” or “Good job!” Instead, they frowned, rubbed my shoulders and wanted to cry. Only, I was euphoric; I was liberated from my controlling husband and it wasn’t easy taking the final steps to leave. Getting divorced takes courage and strength and whether you’re the initiator or the receiver, you’re both victims who feel like the … Continue reading “Divorce Welcoming Committee” Club
“Don’t look at someone else’s plate” is either a known Russian saying or else it’s particular to my mother. Usually, she said this during dinner when I made inappropriate commentary about how someone eats something. My six-year-old daughter learned a similar phrase in preschool: “don’t yuck my yum.” The phrase goes beyond saying “ick” as someone eats a three-meat sandwich; it’s staring into someone else’s … Continue reading “Don’t Look at Someone Else’s Plate” Club
I’m not a social media over-poster. In fact, after a two week trip to Hawaii, I only posted 69 of my 2,000+ photos to Facebook or Instagram. It’s not the photos I’m over-sharing; it’s my words. On Tuesday I woke up to a small flood in my apartment and on Tuesday night I wrote my blog post about it. On Wednesday I went to traffic … Continue reading “I Over-Share” Club
My default vanilla was established in a subterranean ice cream shop in the former Soviet Union, where my parents took me after I had my ears pierced. I was three years old and while I don’t recall the actual needle stabbing in my ear, the intense sweet vanilla lodged itself as the standard by which all future vanillas will have to measure against. Maybe in … Continue reading “Flavors Trigger Memories” Club
“I would never be able to do that,” she says to me and shakes her head insistently. “There is no way I would give up my child for half the week. I cannot live without her. I would rather exist in my sexless, loveless marriage fueled by anger and resentment than give up my child. What kind of mother does that?!” “Well, me, actually,” I … Continue reading “Co-Parenting” Club
My favorite way to eat eggs is sunny side up. I take pride in frying them into two impeccable gold domes, the whites congealed perfectly beyond the mucous texture. When I dunk dry toast into warm yolk, a satisfaction spills over me; this is my comfort food. I have been making myself eggs this way for thirty years, and every single time I crack a … Continue reading “I Caught My Father in an Affair” Club
Can you please take out the trash? Can you please empty the dishwasher? Easy requests for most; not so for me. I have always had a hard time asking for things, having grown up being self-sufficient and self-reliant. Both my parents proudly claimed they “never had to ask for anything for anyone,” and I have mimicked their behaviors. Only life has often pounded me over … Continue reading “Learning to Ask” Club
It’s my birthday and I’m another year older and like every year before this one, I woke up exactly the same. It’s a sensation which didn’t change with age; the feeling of waking up on your birthday to absolutely nothing extraordinary. As a child I was convinced if I concentrated hard enough, I’d feel something; taller or heavier or smarter or wiser, but year after … Continue reading “It’s My Birthday” Club
My parent’s wedding song was the Theme to Love Story. To this day, the iconic melancholy melody punches me in the gut, squeezes my heart, and puts a lump in my throat – and it’s not because of a nostalgic longing for my parents loving marriage. They divorced after 25 years together; ten years beyond their expiration date, by which point the stench was enough … Continue reading “My Divorced Parents’ Wedding Song Still Makes Me Cry” Club
I laid out my produce across my kitchen table and it looked like I spilled my basket from the farmer’s market. Everything was raw and rough. Sweet potatoes still dusty under their coarse orange skin, red onions with their crunchy shedding outer layer, multicolored carrots whose color will pop once peel them. The broccoli sat in a bunch wrapped by a tight rubber band, heads … Continue reading “Cooking with Love” Club
My husband has always been happy to stay at a Motel 8. He wasn’t particular about which hotel I picked as long as it was affordable and didn’t have bed bugs. I, on the other hand, while not exactly a Prima Donna, confess to being a touch of the Princess and the Pea. (Or more like the Russian Girl and a Breadcrumb.) I like to … Continue reading “My Husband and I Like to Travel Differently” Club
Growing up the only road trip my immediate family of four ever went on was to Orlando Florida, from Queens New York. My grandparents had given my parents money to take a vacation to Disney World for my 10th birthday and their 11 year wedding anniversary. My parents loaded up our silver Cutlass Supreme and created a pseudo-bed in the backseat by filling the area … Continue reading “Taking Road Trips with the Kids” Club
I’ve notoriously been a late bloomer to many things in life; I’m hoping “writing success” becomes another item on the “Late Bloomer list” and one day my kids will read this list as encouragement. I have a goal of making it onto one of those lists of people who weren’t successful until their 40s, like Stan Lee and Vera Wang and Julia Child and Henry Ford, … Continue reading “Late Bloomer” Club
My sister lives far away which means much of our communication is done via text, phone, and FaceTime versus hugs, coffee, and couch cuddles in real life. Our proximity, like most relationships, has ebbed and flowed with the waves of life. We lived together for the first 12 years of her life but after I moved out to go to college, I never came back. … Continue reading “My Sister Lives Far Away” Club
My husband is a collector, which he is quick to point out, is very different from a hoarder. I, on the contrary, have spent my life abiding by the motto, “clutter in your house is clutter in your life.” According to my husband, clutter is not a black and white issue, there are gradients of clutter, just like there are variations of shades of gray. … Continue reading “Living with a Collector” Club
My six-year-old daughter made a friend on vacation and for two weeks they were inseparable, forming a storybook bond of friendship. The only challenge is we live in New York and the new friend lives in San Diego. Lucky for us we live in an age of technology; FaceTime at our fingertips. Our first call was from the airport and the girls giggled with delight … Continue reading “The Art of Talking on the Phone” Club
Legos were the first way I bonded with my son. I would help him sort through his almost thousand-piece Star Wars sets, organizing them by color, shape, and size, and page-by-page, we’d work through the multiple booklets and put together some flying fighter contraption which lived on his bookshelf until we moved. As a voracious reader, my son preferred fantasy/science fiction while my brain insisted … Continue reading “Searching for Geocaches” Club
I’ve been trying to #RetrainMyBrain to focus on now. Focus on this moment. I try to make every moment of my life count (whatever that means) and am perpetually checking in, validating whether I did enough in each moment. Did I successfully seize the day? I’m programmed with the “problem solver / make it better” / find the best of everything” gene, but sometimes life … Continue reading “My Best Day Ever is Today” Club
Traveling has always occupied a huge part of my life. Not necessarily exotic, but not stoic either. I want to move, see, explore, study other locales and people. I fantasize about the time my kids are both off to college and my husband and I take off on continuous travel, with no home base, just traveling everywhere we want to visit before our time here … Continue reading “Searching for Suppressed Memories” Club
I earned a special set of MILF stripes a few days later, doing laundry on the 7th floor (I use more than one floor), I run into Matthew’s father. Tall and jovial like his sun, he is eager to chat as I’m carrying my laundry up one floor and when we both get off at 7th, me to use the machines, him to go home, … Continue reading “I’m a MILF” Club – Part 2
I’m not generalizing, (I kind of am), but I can bet that at some point if you ever had a boyfriend, and he ever had friends, the likelihood that said friends would hit on you is very high. Like probably. Probably definitely. Most of the time it is completely harmless and can even be flattering, am I right ladies? A boyfriend’s friend hits on you … Continue reading “My Boyfriend’s Friends Hit on Me” Club
“What are we doing for the Fourth?” My husband asks me every year and every year I do a double-take. “The fourth of what?” I didn’t grow up celebrating The Fourth of July, and not because we weren’t glad for American independence; on the contrary, it was for this specifically that we emigrated to America and not for its famed national cuisine of hamburgers and … Continue reading “I Don’t Celebrate the 4th of July” Club
When I was young and had a stomachache or a headache or my leg hurt, my father had a healing technique. He would clap his hands together Mr. Miyagi style, rub them together to create a magical heat and apply it deliberately to my affected area, closing his eyes. While he did it, he demanded silence and I had to believe it was working. I … Continue reading “My Husband Has Healing Powers” Club
It was January 2005 and we were celebrating my sister’s birthday in my Upper West Side apartment with my father and his new wife. We were ordering sushi for dinner and as we were discussing who would have salmon or tuna, my father looked over at my sister and me, and with a smirk on his face said, “Natasha can’t have raw fish.” My sister, … Continue reading “Impossibly High Expectations of My Father” Club
I’m on to husband number two, but in selecting both mates, above all else, I valued a man who would be an exemplary father. The first time I valued it more than connection, respect, passion, honesty with myself. Both times I wanted a partner who was signing up for exactly 50% of the parenting ride; half the diaper changing, feedings, bathing, lunches, doctor’s visits, playdates … Continue reading “My 2 Children Have 2 Fathers” Club
I lived the career version of Sex and the City, jumping from one rebound job to another in search of the “right one.” For 15 years I refused to truthfully answer the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” When I looked in the mirror, a ghost reflection of who I am stared back at me. My dormant passion burned on … Continue reading “Writing When Your Family Doesn’t Want You To” Club
Today my 14-year-old graduated and the school celebrated with a “Middle Memories” production composed of performances by the band, chorus, theater, and some faculty speeches. My son, along with five other theater classmates performed a dramatic sketch where they acted out hypothetical future careers and poignantly poked fun of how life is ever changing. Their piece precociously demonstrated how even if you start on one … Continue reading “I Have a High Schooler” Club
I knew I was pregnant the minute it happened. Immediately after consummation, I looked at my boyfriend (we weren’t married yet) and said, “You just got me fucking pregnant.” He said, “Oh, I thought next week was the bad week.” I jumped to Google to serve as our Modern-Day Genie: “What’s the optimal date to get pregnant if your last period was August 21st?” Google … Continue reading “I Have a Daughter” Club
I was born in the Soviet Union in the mid-70s, which in photography standards was equal to 1950s America. My father, my first photography inspiration, snapped all of my childhood photos on black and white film and developed them in the tiny bathroom of our one-bedroom apartment in Kiev. I was the muse and subject of his never pursued, dormant love of photography. In those … Continue reading “I Don’t Like to Be in Front of the Camera” Club
My grandparents arrived in America two years before my mother, father and I joined them in 1979. My grandmother was good at hustling to make a buck. She was also a phenomenal cook and baker. In her new American life, she christened herself a baker. For 7 years, (until my family of now 4 moved to Staten Island in 1986), my sister, cousin, and I … Continue reading “I Don’t Like Cake” Club
It is biologically counterintuitive to NOT love your mother; you cannot un-love from where you were born. I wish I could un-love my mother. I’ve tried to build walls to protect myself, but instead, I built panic attacks, hypochondria, and chronic anxiety. I am a happy person because I work hard not to be sad, like my mother. My funny, sarcastic mother who biologically transplanted … Continue reading “My Mother is an Alcoholic” Club
Two years ago my grandfather died at 87 years old. On our last visit to his house, he was so alive. He had retiled their bathroom floor and refinished the kitchen cabinets. He complained about a pain in his side and waved it off as he embraced my four-year-old daughter. He lifted her up, spun her in the air, and then looked for the nearest … Continue reading “Death Made Me Get Married” Club
HeartsEverywhere 