“My Best Day Ever is Today” Club

I’ve been trying to #RetrainMyBrain to focus on now. Focus on this moment. I try to make every moment of my life count (whatever that means) and am perpetually checking in, validating whether I did enough in each moment. Did I successfully seize the day? I’m programmed with the “problem solver / make it better” / find the best of everything” gene, but sometimes life … Continue reading “My Best Day Ever is Today” Club

“I Love Hawaii” Club

Hawaii is Mother Nature’s candy shop. Its vistas are unparalleled. Orchids grow like dandelions and trees line the roads like a box of crayons. If the flowers don’t lure you in closer, the mysterious fruit and nut clusters will: wild berries, mangoes, bananas, coconuts, grouped in bundles, camouflaged in multicolored leaves. The blue of the ocean is the kind they call azure. The surprising warmth … Continue reading “I Love Hawaii” Club

“I Don’t Selfie Stick” Club

Rushing through Times Square a few weeks ago, a promotional van for Zoolander 2 caught my eye. They were taking photos and printing them onto froth foam, creating headshot-worthy lattes and as if free java with your face on it isn’t enough, they gave me a bonus selfie stick! I have made fun of the ridiculous looking tool ever since they invaded my Wall Street … Continue reading “I Don’t Selfie Stick” Club

“I’m a MILF” Club – Part 2

I earned a special set of MILF stripes a few days later, doing laundry on the 7th floor (I use more than one floor), I run into Matthew’s father. Tall and jovial like his sun, he is eager to chat as I’m carrying my laundry up one floor and when we both get off at 7th, me to use the machines, him to go home, … Continue reading “I’m a MILF” Club – Part 2

“I’m a MILF” Club – Part 1

It’s funny to think we’ll be eternally grateful for the American Pie movie series for introducing the term, MILF (Mother I’d Like to Fuck) into the mainstream lexicon. I’m not being presumptuous by declaring myself a member because it’s clearly up to another person to declare you a MILF, the criteria being someone else has to want to fuck you. Lucky for me, I was … Continue reading “I’m a MILF” Club – Part 1

“Facebook Memories Plague Me” Club

I manage two Facebook accounts; one is my personal page, the other, my husband’s clown business. On most days, on both accounts, Facebook dutifully greets me with this message: “Galina, we care about you and the memories you share here. We thought you’d like to look back on this post from 1 year ago.” (Or 9 years ago.)” I love a good time hop as … Continue reading “Facebook Memories Plague Me” Club

“My Boyfriend’s Friends Hit on Me” Club

I’m not generalizing, (I kind of am), but I can bet that at some point if you ever had a boyfriend, and he ever had friends, the likelihood that said friends would hit on you is very high. Like probably. Probably definitely. Most of the time it is completely harmless and can even be flattering, am I right ladies? A boyfriend’s friend hits on you … Continue reading “My Boyfriend’s Friends Hit on Me” Club

“I Abandoned My Obsession With A Clean House (For Now)” Club

Aside from EVERYTHING related to the challenge of writing every single day this year for my self-imposed challenge, one of the biggest hurdles has been allowing for my apartment to get messy. I knew this would be part of the deal. I knew I would have to prioritize writing over dishes, writing over vacuuming, writing over a clean toilet. I am not clinically OCD about … Continue reading “I Abandoned My Obsession With A Clean House (For Now)” Club

“I Don’t Do Returns” Club

For our wedding ceremony last year my husband and used e.e. cummings’ poem, “i carry your heart with me” as our vows. My husband is a poetry lover and I am still working on its appreciation, even though I’ve tried for three decades. The truth is I agreed to this poem because I really heard it in the movie, In Her Shoes with Cameron Diaz … Continue reading “I Don’t Do Returns” Club

“My 2 Children Have 2 Fathers” Club

I’m on to husband number two, but in selecting both mates, above all else, I valued a man who would be an exemplary father. The first time I valued it more than connection, respect, passion, honesty with myself. Both times I wanted a partner who was signing up for exactly 50% of the parenting ride; half the diaper changing, feedings, bathing, lunches, doctor’s visits, playdates … Continue reading “My 2 Children Have 2 Fathers” Club

“I Love Love” Club

I love the idea of love. I love being in love. I love writing and reading about love. Who doesn’t want to float on a cloud of oxytocin? Love is hip, decorated in heart emojis and rainbow flags, especially in light of a tragedy. Love heals, love distracts, love prevails, except for those who bury a piece of their heart 6 feet under with their … Continue reading “I Love Love” Club

“Writing When Your Family Doesn’t Want You To” Club

I lived the career version of Sex and the City, jumping from one rebound job to another in search of the “right one.” For 15 years I refused to truthfully answer the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” When I looked in the mirror, a ghost reflection of who I am stared back at me. My dormant passion burned on … Continue reading “Writing When Your Family Doesn’t Want You To” Club

“I’m on My Second Marriage” Club

I never thought I’d get married, never thought I’d have kids, never thought I’d get divorced, DEFINITELY NEVER EVER thought I’d get remarried, God forbid. I’ll take my hypocritical bow as I acknowledge, even after four decades, I know shit about life, which continues to school me and remind me how words like ‘never’ should never be uttered from my pouty lips. Time can bring … Continue reading “I’m on My Second Marriage” Club

“I’m Not a Pocket Person” Club

I don’t like to keep things in my pockets; I never did. I appreciate pockets as a resting place for idle hands or for a good pose, but I never thought pockets were convenient for storing things like wallets, keys, cell phones. I’m like the Princess and the Pea and I feel anything and everything in any pocket. After college, I purchased two “lady business suits” (one … Continue reading “I’m Not a Pocket Person” Club

“Death Made Me Get Married” Club

Two years ago my grandfather died at 87 years old. On our last visit to his house, he was so alive. He had retiled their bathroom floor and refinished the kitchen cabinets. He complained about a pain in his side and waved it off as he embraced my four-year-old daughter. He lifted her up, spun her in the air, and then looked for the nearest … Continue reading “Death Made Me Get Married” Club

“I’m Living My Good Ole Days Now” Club

There was never any good old days They are today, they are tomorrow It’s a stupid thing we say Cursing tomorrow with sorrow — Gogol Bordello, the song “Ultimate” “The good ole days” is an all-American phrase like hot dogs, apple pie, and the “Dukes of Hazzard.” I often wonder to which are these “good ole days” referring? High school? College? Why is our cultural … Continue reading “I’m Living My Good Ole Days Now” Club

“I Moved in with My First Boyfriend” Club

At 19, I remember a precise moment when I felt I had a grip on this life thing. Somehow I thought I had matured to this ripe age, where I could function as a grown up in society. I was attending NYU and my parents didn’t want to pay for me to live in the dorm because they believed we lived close enough for me … Continue reading “I Moved in with My First Boyfriend” Club

“Cheater” Club

I strongly believe I inherited the cheating gene from my dad. I have used this excuse more than once when I should have just taken accountability for fucking up royally. Cheating, in the cardinal hierarchy of human behavior, is considered a bad thing. I’m talking infidelity cheating, specifically, although tax abatement and stealing the SATs are two other examples. A lot of hype surrounded Beyonce’s … Continue reading “Cheater” Club

“I Met My Favorite Writer” Club

On our drive down for a weekend visit to Philadelphia, I said out loud to my car witnesses, “The only famous person I know in Philadelphia is Jennifer Weiner.” “Who’s that?” My 14-year-old son asked. He hasn’t had the benefit of jumping into her stories, engaging with her thoughtful, well-rounded, intelligent characters. “She’s one of your mom’s favorite writers,” my husband chimes in. “She wants … Continue reading “I Met My Favorite Writer” Club

“I Get Along Best With My Gay Friends” Club

I’m not sure what the science behind it is, but gay men and I have a chemistry which has repeatedly proven successful. I get along well with gay men and they think I’m dandy; we bond over chatting, and a mutual adoration of my big hair and pouty lips. I’ve always had a hard time with girlfriends but gay men were a great compromise of … Continue reading “I Get Along Best With My Gay Friends” Club

“I Have a Teenager” Club

Unlike math, parenthood has no right answer. From the onset, I held this 7-pound slimy human who was reliant on me for every bodily function 24/7 and I had no idea what I was doing. By the time I emerged from the haze of year one, my little human was using words and persuasive behavioral tactics (read: debate-worthy negotiations) I worried so much about things … Continue reading “I Have a Teenager” Club

“Understanding Intention” Club

When my teenager snaps back at me, I know it wasn’t his intention to slap me with his words, so I forgive him. When my husband is late time and time again or when he walks away without telling me where he’s going even though I’ve asked him to communicate for 11 years, I know it wasn’t his intention to say, “Fuck you” with his … Continue reading “Understanding Intention” Club

“I Have Spring Fever” Club – 100 Word Story

I woke up with spring fever. My eyes stung from the orange sun creating a spotlight on my face; my ears tuned into the inaugural bird symphonies of the season. My sun-deprived body was tugged by an invisible magnet outdoors. I held my husband’s hand as we hiked up rocky terrain hovering over the shallow red-sand beaches; the famous bridge in the distant haze. We … Continue reading “I Have Spring Fever” Club – 100 Word Story

“Wearing the Engagement Ring Without the Wedding Band” Club

While doing some heavy cleaning, I put my diamond engagement ring and simple wedding band on my ring holder. Later in the evening I noticed my naked finger and asked my husband to retrieve my rings from the bedroom. He brought the sparkly round diamond ring, surrounded by a halo of small diamonds, and mimicking a proposal, he asked me to marry him as he … Continue reading “Wearing the Engagement Ring Without the Wedding Band” Club

“Non-Traditional Exercise” Club

I have always believed non-traditional exercise had a higher success rate at pleasure secretions in my brain than running or walking up an invisible staircase. As far as endorphins and their correlation to exercise; sex seems to satisfy two birds with one bush. Or something like that. Here are my Top 5 “Non-Traditional” Exercises: Braiding my hair. I compulsively braid my hair while I’m reading, … Continue reading “Non-Traditional Exercise” Club

“Let Me Announce My Own Announcements” Club

My daughter was born 6 years ago, in the Pre-Timeline Facebook era. This scary period in early modern history allowed friends to post anything they wanted on your page without giving you the opportunity to approve it first. I keenly recall laying in the recovery room after my emergency cesarean section, separated from two other women by curtains, with a painkiller drip. The world spun … Continue reading “Let Me Announce My Own Announcements” Club

“I Write About How Much I Love My Husband” Club

I want to have an essay published in the New York Times Modern Love column by the end of this year. They get over 600 submissions and accept 4 a month. (With the addition of the new Modern Love Podcast, I’m betting the submissions have quadrupled.) For the girl behind HeartsEverywhere.com, The Modern Love column is my (first) Pulitzer. Originally I thought I’d try submitting … Continue reading “I Write About How Much I Love My Husband” Club

“I’m Married to an Artist” Club

11 Years and I just learned my husband gives names to his notebooks. I noticed this by accident, as I turned to the first page of a clean lined book and saw a drawing of “39¢” in bubble numbers. “Why did you doodle the price tag?” I asked him. “It’s the name of the book!” “You name your books?” “Of course, I do,” he said … Continue reading “I’m Married to an Artist” Club

“I Used to Live in the City” Club

When we moved to NJ from New York City (NYC) four years ago, we did so kicking and screaming (our rent increase of $1,200 forced us out). We thought this might be a “five-year plan,” which aligned perfectly with my personality as I’ve never lived anywhere for more than four years. We moved to the first building off the George Washington Bridge, which is as … Continue reading “I Used to Live in the City” Club

“My Husband Is Always Late” Club

The first time I brought my husband (then boyfriend) to meet my father in Staten Island I was anxious about being on time. My father appreciated and demanded promptness; it coursed through his Russian blood, and it wasn’t just from his two years in the Soviet army. I was brought up respecting the clock and to value our ever fleeting minutes. To this day, I … Continue reading “My Husband Is Always Late” Club

“I’m a Reluctant Artist” Club

The day I met my husband just over 11 years ago he was working his “day job” as a professional clown. I was a young mother taking my son to his first Manhattan birthday party. Our how we met story is awesome, as anyone who is lingering in the happily ever after part, would say. We left the party together and the first question I … Continue reading “I’m a Reluctant Artist” Club

“I Played Hookie With My Hubby” Club

The app DubSmash allows you to record yourself lip-synching to any piece of audio – song or movie clip. Within two days of download, I was entertained for hours and completely addicted. But beyond me, I knew my husband would LOVE this; he’s a professionally-trained actor. It would be like asking a baseball player if he wanted to go to the batting cage. This morning … Continue reading “I Played Hookie With My Hubby” Club

“I Wrote a 100-Word Story” Club

In starting my 365-day writing project, I vowed to write every day. I imagined I would work on 250-500 word essays, but in reality and practice, I acknowledge I have a difficult time getting anything out in less than 850 words. Reader’s Digest features a 100-word True Story contest. I thought this would be a productive, educational exercise – and it was. 100 words is nothing for me. I … Continue reading “I Wrote a 100-Word Story” Club

“I’m a Cat Lady” Club

In America, many things can use a serious rebranding. A few notables: marriage, step parents, and my favorite, cat ladies! Exhibit one: Beth Stern. Exhibit two: Taylor Swift. Exhibit three: More hot famous ladies with their felines. I only fell in love with cats two years ago, which means I missed out for 39 years. Two years ago, my two kids and I decided we … Continue reading “I’m a Cat Lady” Club

“I’m an Instigator” Club

Let me start out by saying I don’t enjoy confrontation, although one may argue, on occasions, my actions may have inadvertently caused it. I have been accused of being an instigator. Translation: I bring things up enough to bother someone else with doing something about it, because like I said, I don’t take pleasure in hostile encounters, but I do appreciate justice and answers. For … Continue reading “I’m an Instigator” Club

“I Don’t Have a Dream” Club

The Mamas & the Papas sang about it. So did Aerosmith. Dream a little dream of me. Dream on. In modern America, #LiveYourDream is on billboards, shopping bags, t-shirts, mugs, and in combinations of status updates, tweets, and Instagram memes. A blinking mantra of our time; we love to share quotes and we love for them to be inspiring, but how often do we practice … Continue reading “I Don’t Have a Dream” Club

“My Modern Family Trumps Yours” Club

My teenage son and I heard a hilarious phone prank on the radio. The victim: a 45-year-old mother. Who set her up? Her 18-year-old son. The premise? The DJ calls pretending to be the son’s 45-year-old girlfriend. Throughout the fake call, the mother’s anger escalates as she keeps repeating, “My son is a teenager!” After our laugh, I push it further because I’m the inappropriate … Continue reading “My Modern Family Trumps Yours” Club

“My Daughter Reminds Me Life is Awesome” Club

My daughter’s hair smells like honey, because that’s how little girls are born. Sugar and spice and all things nice is not an exaggeration or a poem, it’s based on scientific fact. But I didn’t always like girls; I had been a mom of a boy for 8 years before the XX made me puke for 9 months. Without a sonogram I knew she was … Continue reading “My Daughter Reminds Me Life is Awesome” Club

“I Have an Ex-Husband” Club

The winter before my marriage ultimately crumbled, my husband and I went to a movie, for the first time in two years since our son was born. It was a gorgeous night and we saw Garden State at Lincoln Center and walked home. I enjoyed the movie and thoroughly loved the soundtrack; so much so that I was singing it out-loud, almost skipping in my … Continue reading “I Have an Ex-Husband” Club

“I Chose Me” Club

Choosing Me feels selfish. It causes intense guilt that never really goes away. Mothers are supposed to be martyrs, not egotistical. But Choosing Me has always moved my life forward. While it wasn’t always the easiest choice, ultimately Choosing Me equaled choosing happiness. When I was 15 and I used sun-in in my hair because my mother didn’t let me color it, I chose me. … Continue reading “I Chose Me” Club

5 Problems Only People with Multiple Cats Will Understand

You’ll never know who had diarrhea in the litter box. You never know who shat out a red string. Or a gold thread. Or a rubber band (or two). You don’t know who left the surprise pile of puke in the kitchen. Or the hallway. Or in the precise place you step when you get out of bed in the morning You’re not sure who … Continue reading 5 Problems Only People with Multiple Cats Will Understand

A One Year Hiatus … But Who Even Missed Me? Maybe Just Me …

I haven’t blogged in over a year. I just got annoyed at the whole internet, at social networking, at sharing my life with anyone. I just got disinterested. I wanted my life to myself; a private celebrity if only in my own mind, wearing a baseball hat and sunglasses and avoiding the media. I hated my blog; every single thing about it. I was in … Continue reading A One Year Hiatus … But Who Even Missed Me? Maybe Just Me …

I’m in a [I don’t work a corporate job] Style Slump

Will someone please nominate me for What Not to Wear? I have been in a major style rut for the last 18 months. When I first lost my job, with it also went the obligation to “dress up.” (But truthfully I wasn’t so upset about that.) Then I got pregnant – and for the nine months I spent hovering over or around a toilet, I … Continue reading I’m in a [I don’t work a corporate job] Style Slump

Anniversary Night Recap

It was the perfect night – as we knew it would be. The evening was exactly what this couple needed to celebrate their 6-year-anniversary. After careful consideration, we decided on an evening that was typical for us. We went to our usual sushi place in Union Square – and instead of going to see King’s Speech, even though I knew it would win the Oscar, … Continue reading Anniversary Night Recap

Six Years Ago Today

Even though we sometimes sneer at other people’s Facebook status when they sound like romantic, corny saps – we both posted something in today’s status. I think it says it all – even if we did say it to each other in witness of hundreds of people, most of whom only exist as “friends” on the virtual ‘book. This holiday, as special as it is, … Continue reading Six Years Ago Today

Six Years Ago Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be six years since the day I met my love. We’ve spoken about it for the last few weeks – “can you believe it’s six years since the day that changed our lives forever?” We wanted to go to a nice dinner; my sister is babysitting – but none of the restaurants that made the “best of” lists seemed to get either of … Continue reading Six Years Ago Tomorrow

For all the Valentine’s Day Haters

Many of people hate Valentine’s Day – and I’m sure there are plenty of reasons. Here are some you may have heard: “It’s a Hallmark-created holiday to fuel the economy.” “I don’t need a holiday to tell my honey how much I love him. I love him every day.” “It’s a holiday to make us single people feel bad.” “It’s too much pressure and it … Continue reading For all the Valentine’s Day Haters

Having Faith in Life

I went backwards in life with my money making. Now that I’m in my 30’s, I live very much hand-to-mouth, relying on the man in my life for much financial support. This was not so in my 20’s, when I was making a steady paycheck and spending whatever I wanted on almost anything I wanted (within reason, of course). I don’t buy for myself now … Continue reading Having Faith in Life